Ep 48: Burnout Recovery for Black Women: Where to Actually Start
You've done everything right. And somehow you're standing at the top of the ladder, wondering why you don't want to climb anymore, or worse, not even knowing what you'd want instead.
That freeze isn't a character flaw. It's not a sign that something's broken in you. It's a signal that your sacral chakra, the part of you that learned what you liked and what lit you up, went quiet a long time ago, somewhere between the degrees and the promotions and the people you were making proud. In this episode, I talk about what it actually means to reignite it, and why clarity doesn't come from thinking harder. It comes from moving.
I also walk through RESET, my six-week program for high-achieving Black women who are stuck in the "in between" and don't quite know where to start. We work through listening to your body, releasing what you inherited that was never yours to carry, and mapping the desires you've been told are too much. It's not about blowing your life up. It's about creating enough space to finally hear yourself.
Resources
Join Love Notes, the email for high-achieving Black women who've done everything right and still feel like something's missing: self-trust, nervous system, and coming home to the freedom that's always been yours.
Learn more about RESET.
Ask a question in the RESET WhatsApp group.
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Asha (00:01.08)
Hey y'all, welcome back to Because I've Healed. I'm excited that you're here, that you're listening. This week, I want to talk about where do you start when you don't even know where to begin? So the past couple of weeks, I've been taking inquiry calls for either RESET the six week program or HELD the four day retreat in Lisbon.
And also people have been coming into the studio for co-work and so many people are in the same place of feeling overwhelmed, overworked, tired, wanting a change, not sure what could be possible in the future, not sure about leaving what already exists and having absolutely no clue about where to start. There's been a couple people who have come in this past couple of weeks who have been professors.
which I totally related to and more than two of them have said, you know, it feels kind of routine and I feel like I've lost my creativity and I can't try anything new or innovate because the rules are so rigid about how we have to deliver. And I've also had some people who are former attorneys also like myself. I guess I'm still technically an attorney but not practicing in the same way,
and people who are CEOs and feeling like I have done what I needed to do and I don't know what to do next. Another person called in who is in tech, has been in tech for 20 plus years and is finally feeling like the tech sphere is not meeting her where she wants to be met in terms of
creativity and also just honoring the things that she brings to the table. And it's not always about the work itself. Sometimes it's about the environment and it's about the people and it's about all the other circumstances that make the work feel limiting. And sometimes it is about the work. Sometimes it is actually about outgrowing the work or recognizing that the season of doing the work is coming to a close. But,
Asha (02:16.914)
everybody who I've been speaking to in the last couple of weeks and even longer than that are expressing the same challenge that they don't quite know where to start.
Asha (02:37.494)
And here's the thing, when you don't know where to start, that's not a problem in of itself.
Here's the thing, when you don't know where to start, that is not a problem in and of itself. And so if you're feeling bad about not knowing how to get yourself out of the thought spiral that you're in or how to make a change, please do not worry because I have a solution for you. The thing that has happened over the years, especially when we've been following a script or following a path and the script could be that you get the entry level job,
couple of years later, you get a promotion and you see the ladder to the top. Maybe you've gotten to the top, you've gotten close to the top and you're feeling like I don't want to go there anymore, but I don't know what to do. Or the script could be that you have done everything that your family has asked you to do. You have achieved, you've made everybody proud. You're sending money back home. You're supporting your parents and that doesn't feel good anymore either, it feels limiting in some kind of way. And people are asking you,
Okay, well, what else would you do if you could do? And you have no idea how to answer that question. That freeze mode is not a problem in and of itself. You just haven't been asked to think of other possibilities in a while. And so your brain just needs to be turned back on to explore the possibilities. in the energetic sense, this is really a second chakra, a sacral chakra.
a re-ignition. I'm not going to call it a problem. I'm going to call it a re-ignition. The sacral chakra is something that develops when we're children. You see how kids ages two to seven, even a little bit longer than that, they just play. They learn by playing. Montessori school is all about learning by playing, but they explore, they try new things, they play dress up, they cook in the fake kitchen, they build with Legos.
Asha (04:40.194)
They do all of this stuff, exploring in the dirt, running around. Everything is about play. It's about having fun. And that's exactly how they learn what they like and what they don't like. And then based on what they learn in the exploratory phase, their intuition and self-trust develops in the third chakra, which is the solar plexus. That's the place where confidence resides, but also sometimes where anxiety resides. When people talk about having a gut feeling,
It's really that feeling in the solar plexus that is based on intuition, but your intuition develops based on what you have learned about through play about what feels good and what doesn't feel good to you. And so if you're in a place in your adult life where you have no idea what feels good and what doesn't feel good anymore, or where you only know what doesn't feel good, but you're not sure what could feel good and you're not sure how to explore, it has become a
or a call to reignite your sacral chakra and to return to a state of play. To go back to that childlike wonder and exploration so that you can see what you like and what you don't like. Now as adults who have followed a pattern, followed a script, who's always known what the top looks like and where you're going, going back to a state of play and exploration can feel very uncomfortable.
And that's OK. It's going to feel uncomfortable in the beginning because you're just unfamiliar with it, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. And so this is where I want you to start. I want you to start exploring. I want you to start writing down if I could do anything that I wanted, what would I do? And maybe the first couple of days, you're not going to have an answer, but allow yourself to sit with it and to say and to explore what could it be if I didn't have any rules, if I wasn't telling myself, no, if there wasn't a ceiling, what could it be?
And then anything that you come up with, I want you to actually explore. Sign up for the pottery class, take a cooking class, travel, book the trip, do something that allows you to explore. That is the only way that you are going to get feedback on what your next step should be. You have to explore, you have to get the data, you have to collect the information. Clarity comes from action, not from thinking it through too often.
Asha (07:03.95)
So now this brings me to a couple of calls that I had this week around the retreat that I have held, which is really a personal private solo retreat to help women who are stuck to uncover and to release some of the ties that are holding you in that place. It is almost like a permission giving retreat because it allows you to dive into you and to really own your wants and desires.
There are a couple of people who called and wanted to release the grief so that they can go on and explore. There are a couple of people who have called and said, I'm not sure what to do. I think I need a retreat to help me dive in. And there are some other folks who were like, I'm just tired. I want to rest. I want to spend this time on myself so I can move forward. But then I realized that there are people who are more primed for the retreat and more and people who would better be served.
Then I realized there are people who are really ready for the retreat and others who would be better served by joining my six week program RESET first. Now, let me tell you if you are a great candidate for RESET. RESET is for you if you were feeling stuck and burned out, but you're not quite sure how to start. Over the six weeks, I will show you how to drop back into your body and use your body as wisdom.
The first week is all about listening to your body, all about listening to the feelings that are coming up, understanding what is happening and just really re-establishing that connection to your body because your body is your biggest source of wisdom. So for those of you who are moving so fast, you don't have time to sit down. For those of you who are used to ignoring what your body is saying because you got to go to work because you got to get this thing done because you got to get food on the table because you got to write this report,
this is exactly where you need to start without judgment with just listening, understanding what your body is saying. And then we learn how to meet your body's needs. If your body is telling you that you're tired, we're to ask your body, what does it need from you right now? And then we're going to encourage you to provide what your body needs right now. The second week is all about releasing or understanding what we have inherited from our ancestors
Asha (09:30.712)
so you can make a choice to release what no longer serves. Now this can be as energetically deep as you want it to be or as surface level as you need it to be. It's going to meet you wherever you are. But here's the thing about high achieving women, women of color in particular, is that we often add more responsibilities to our plate, but we don't release them.
This is the week where we release responsibilities, paradigms, narratives, thought processes that no longer serve us. If you have been the eldest daughter who has always fixed things in your family and you want to let that go, this is where we let that go so you can prioritize yourself. If you have been the one who has always achieved and has always gone to the top leadership positions and no longer want to do that, this is where we let that go
so that you can step fully into what you want. So this is where we understand where the pressure has come from, oftentimes ancestrally, so that you can release it and allow yourself to step into a new identity, a new paradigm with more space. think of Every time I talk about this, Erykah Badu's Bag Lady comes to my mind. Bag Lady, you gonna hurt your back carrying all them bags like that. Excuse me for my terrible singing.
But I think about adding, Every time I go to the grocery store here in Lisbon, I don't have a car, so I just walk. Most people walk to the grocery store and I just add. If I want to go to more than one store, I just add another bag and I add another bag and I add another bag. I don't go home and put the old bags down before I go to the other store. That's what it feels like when you just keep adding on stuff. I'm going to add the degree. I'm going to add the exercise routine. I'm going to add the journaling. I'm going to add this. But what are you allowing yourself to put down? That's important.
The third week is all about tapping into your desire, which feels scary because when is the last time that somebody asks you what you wanted? When is the last time you actually answered that question unrelated to what you want for dinner? There is a lot of stuff that comes up here around desire, particularly for black women, because we're often told that what we want is too much. We have been often told that we should be grateful for what we have.
Asha (11:52.45)
We often think that if we want more than what we have, and we have a pretty good life, that we are being ungrateful and a guilt comes with it. This is where we acknowledge, we understand, and we let that stuff go so that we move forward. And the last few weeks are really about anchoring in the desire and participating in an activity called desire mapping, where you understand what it is that you really want and learn to create protection around feeling those feelings.
So if you really want more spaciousness in the morning, where do you already have spaciousness and how can you expand it? What do you need to say yes to, to protect that spaciousness? What do you need to say no to, to protect that spaciousness? Chances are you are already feeling and experiencing moments of the feelings that you want to grow. So you may not need a life overhaul. You may not need to leave your job and move countries like I did.
You may just be able to create more space in the life that you're already living. And so we'll work on that and you will determine for you what practices you need to start to move forward. But RESET is a great kickstart when you don't know what to do and you don't know where to go. When you're feeling stuck, when you don't have the options or you're not sure what your options are.
And maybe also when you don't have someone in your family or in your community that you can turn to for support because maybe they're still stuck as well. Now I had a really good question the other day about whether this is a program that keeps you stuck in rumination about complaining about what has not worked. It's not, it is not that kind of program. This is a program, a community, a course, a workshop over six weeks that
allows you to see where you are and it is about action. You will not know what you need to do if you don't take action. But sometimes action can feel overwhelming and so we'll break it down into smaller parts and it is all about taking action for you. Not for the world. It's about taking action for you. Taking rest could be the action that you need. Writing out your plan could be the action that you need.
Asha (14:10.584)
Looking for a new job could be the action that you need, but this container is going to support you in that so that you take action according to what your needs and wants and desires are. And there's accountability that's there because we'll keep checking in each week and throughout the weeks to see that you are doing what is right for you. Not just what I've said, not just what works for me, not just what works for the other people,
the women in the program, but what really works for you? This is about coming home to yourself. Right now, there are three different options to join RESET in June. There is an online option that meets six weeks on Sundays online. And this is for the folks who are outside of Lisbon or who might be in Lisbon, but can't come to the studio. You are welcome to join.
You will see the link for that in the show notes below. There's also an in-person option in Lisbon where we will meet at my studio, Asha's Place Lisbon, so that we can connect in person and do this work live, face-to-face, with some tea and some snacks. And then if you are visiting Lisbon and you'd like to do it live, there's a two-day RESET retreat that is happening 4th of July weekend that I would love to invite you to. There's no right or wrong
way to join. I have the different modalities because everybody's in a different place and I want you to pick the spot where you feel most comfortable in the spot that aligns for you where you are right now in your life. I think that this is a great first step, especially if you are new to my community or you're not sure exactly what you need or you feel like a retreat might be too short of a time and you want to do a deep dive.
Now, the two aren't mutually exclusive. You can sign up for RESET and then later sign up for the retreat. Totally fine. I'm not discouraging you from either one. But if you want to get started right now, if you want to take action right now, there are two weeks left to enroll in RESET. And so this is for you if you are ready. Our first meeting is on Sunday, June 7th. And I am so excited to work with you.
Asha (16:31.854)
These are the same steps that I took when I was burnt out in 2023 and trying to figure it out on my own. I didn't have very many examples of people who had left the United States or the people that I knew who had left were already working remotely and were able to move that way. I didn't know very many people who had left a career and who had left their family behind and had to make that choice. I'm an only child, which is also like being
the oldest daughter. And so taking care of my mom, if it comes to that point, will fall on me. And so I really had to think about what was right for me and how could I do all of these things, balancing the responsibilities that I had and that I was anticipating that I would have. And so I had to make some hard choices and I had to really sit with myself and decide really what was right for me. And the beautiful thing about it is
When I made the choices that were right for me, my mom saw a complete transformation in me. And at first, when I left, she was scared. She thought I was messing up my life. But now that she has seen how happiness has crept in, not even crept in, happiness has overcome me like an ocean wave. How calmness, how I've settled more into myself, how I
feel more liberated and more free, even though I don't have the same structure that I had before. And arguably my security is different. She is so happy for me and so supportive of me because she can see the changes that I made and is 100 % comfortable with my decision because she saw and sees the transformation in me. So even when your family and your friends do not understand right away when they see your transformation,
Not only will they be more supportive, but they will ask you how you did it and you're going to be able to tell them. So please take a look at RESET. The link is in the show notes below. And let me know if you have any questions. I will also drop a link to join the WhatsApp group to ask me any questions that you have about RESET as it's coming up. That's probably the fastest way to get your questions answered. All right, y'all.
Asha (18:49.858)
I will talk to you soon. I love you all. I hope you have a fantastic week and tchau for now.