Ep 43: Stop Sending Energy to People Who Don't Deserve It
You don't have to forgive anyone to get your power back. This episode is about something better: neutralizing the hold that people and experiences have on you so you can finally move forward.
In this episode
Why this isn't about forgiveness the way you learned it, and what it actually is
How unresolved energy quietly pulls you away from your goals without you realizing it
Asha's personal story of carrying self-judgment from a past business failure into her current work
A real example from her coaching clients, and how holding onto someone else's words can shape your behavior without your permission
A guided white light visualization to neutralize the energy you're still spending on things that no longer deserve it
Chapters
(00:00) Introduction and the reframe on forgiveness
(01:50) Asha's personal example — carrying old business wounds
(04:14) Client stories: proving yourself to people who doubted you
(05:30) The practice explained
(07:30) Guided visualization begins
(13:16) Closing the meditation + how to return to this practice
Links mentioned
Connect with Asha on Instagram: @ashawilkersonesq
Find Asha on Threads
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Asha (00:01.24)
Hey there, welcome back to Because I've Healed. This is your host, Asha Wilkerson. And I am excited to be back here for another episode. And today I'm going to be talking to you about this subject that has come up for me over the past 10 days to two weeks. And I was talking about it in one of my classes where I'm a student. And it's the subject of forgiveness, but not forgiveness in the way that you think
of like turn the other cheek and what we learned and organized religion. I'm talking about forgiveness in a way that neutralizes any energy that is taking your attention away from your goals, your aspirations, your wants and your needs. And so maybe forgiveness isn't the right word, but it is about releasing and letting go of any
grudge, experience, ties, frustration, anything that has you energetically focused on something that is not allowing you to move as quickly or even in the direction that you're trying to go. So let's talk about that for a minute. Let's talk about it in the context of forgiveness and of friends and relationships. We can all probably relate to this, that we have an experience from childhood, from adulthood,
from coworkers, somebody that said something to us that really rubbed us the wrong way. And we're just not able to let it go. Let me see if I can think of an example from my life. What could I give you? Hmm.
Asha (01:50.722)
Let's see, okay. I'm going to give you an example from my own business life because this is a real world example that came up for me. A couple years ago, about five or six years ago, I was working with business owners in the Bay Area to help them create businesses legally that were capable of leaving a financial legacy. And I was really committed to the mission, really enjoyed the idea of the work that I was doing, but...
I found myself struggling to get clients and struggling to promote it because I felt like there was something inauthentic about it because I wasn't where I wanted to be in my own financial growth journey, in my own legacy building journey. And so I didn't find the success that I wanted. And in the beginning, I was thinking, it's just, it's your marketing skills, your this, it's your that. And I was so hard on myself, so hard on myself.
And there's a part of me that still carries that frustration with me, even though I'm in a completely different business, there's a large part of me that feels like, what if you can't market it? Are you being inauthentic? And not even so much inauthentic because I feel like I have found myself more than I did when I was practicing as an attorney. But, you know, why didn't you get it earlier? Why does it seem like such a struggle for you? And the person in this situation,
that I would need to forgive might be myself or is myself. The self that was really critical of my growth journey, really critical of myself for not getting it as fast as some of my colleagues. The version of myself that had these really high expectations that didn't account for experience and energy and climate and market and situation, all of these different things. And so,
I have been practicing forgiving myself, but really neutralizing the energy around this particular event. I can think of another example. I was in a coaching session with a client this past week. I have a number of clients who are parents. And there were a few people actually this past week that brought up comments that parents or grandparents had made about how they were raising
Asha (04:14.52)
their children, either about what they were feeding their children, how they were feeding their children, whether or not they should leave their children, you know, with somebody else for a weekend or for an overnight so that they could take a break, all of these things, right? All of these things. And a couple people actually mentioned that there were comments that their parents or the grandparents of the kids made that really stuck with them. And they felt like they had to continue to prove themselves to those grandparents.
unknowingly, well, part of it was with knowledge. They said I shouldn't do this. I'm going to prove them wrong that I can do this. And some of it was subconscious that they were holding on to these beliefs that no longer aligned with what they wanted to do because they were stuck on the statement that the other person made. And so I shared this practice that I was doing for myself, but I also shared it with my clients this week of sending out white light and love, which
essentially amounts to forgiveness. But again, not in the way that you're thinking about excusing the behavior or pretending like it doesn't have an effect, but in a way that neutralizes the energy that they, that I am spending around this event that no longer needs or requires my energy. So here's the practice. Whatever you can think of right now, if there's a person, a situation, an event,
that you want to neutralize. Maybe it's somebody that you want to or need to forgive. Maybe it's an event that could be traumatic or just unpleasant that you would like to neutralize something that has happened a while ago and is still affecting you in your present. I want you to think about what that is and think about how it has your attention, even if you're not thinking about it on a daily basis.
But where is it pulling your attention from what you want to do or how you want to be? If you're a parent, maybe it's a comment that someone said to you and you realize that you are behaving in a way that would prove or disprove this person, but it's not actually what you want to do. And now it's actually taking energy away from you being the parent that you want to be because you are trying to prove yourself as the parent that they think you should be. Or
Asha (06:39.594)
Maybe like me, it is an event that has happened around marketing or around business growth that has you afraid to put yourself out there again because you are afraid to fail or afraid to be seen as someone who is learning or afraid to not get it right or afraid that it won't work fast enough. Maybe it is around a relationship that you need to
let go of or you need to just neutralize the energy around it so that you can find the kind of love and respect and support that you say that you want without holding on to the experience that you had in the past that didn't meet that. So whatever it is, pull it into your mind and then just notice how much energy you are spending towards it. And now if you're in a place where you can close your eyes and do this quick meditation or visualization, please do it.
And if not, you can listen to this and then do it on your own later today when you get a chance. But I want you to just take a couple deep breaths in and out. Pull the air in through your nose. Exhale it out through your mouth. And feel your body start to relax. And now I want you to pull your attention into your heart.
And maybe you even look down, even though your eyes are closed, and focus your gaze on your heart space, focus your energy and your attention on your heart, and just notice how your heart beats. Notice the pulse and the rhythm. And you notice that as it beats, as it moves, that it's actually sending out an electrical current that is full of energy.
And as you notice this beat, this current, this energy, picture it in your mind as a white light. That is love, that's emanating love. And first you notice it just surrounding your heart. And then with each beat, it starts to increase. It starts to get a little stronger and a little wider. It starts to expand. And so now it's filling the upper part of your chest and the upper part of your belly.
Asha (08:54.902)
Now it expands a little more, it's filling the tops of your shoulders and reaching down towards your hips.
Asha (09:04.246)
And now it expands even more and covers your head down to your knees.
Asha (09:13.418)
And even more, it covers you above your head and down to the bottom of your feet.
Asha (09:25.612)
And you feel this light, this love that's surrounding you, that is pouring into you, that is an energy of protection. It's an energy of purity.
Asha (09:37.494)
It's put you in a bubble where you are safe.
And now I want you to direct the same energy, the same light out from your heart space into the person or the event or the experience that has your energy and attention that you want to neutralize. So just imagine sending this white light, this love, this beam of energy to that situation. Maybe you're picturing someone and you send it right to their heart space. Maybe you're picturing
an event that has happened, an experience that you've had, and you're just surrounding the whole idea of the event in this white light. And I think of this as those action heroes or superheroes. I don't remember what their names were, but remember the ones who could extend their arm and out of their palm came this energetic force field that would stop any weapons from coming towards them, would just suspend the weapons in midair and then the weapons would drop? That's exactly what you're doing. You're sending out this energy
and this light so that it begins to intercept and block and protect you from the energy of the situation that has your time and attention. It's your own force field. And the focus is not on letting go of the situation or making right with the situation that happened. Your focus is on stopping the energy from coming towards you. Your force field of love
creates a barrier and you begin to feel the disconnection from that event, from that person.
Asha (11:21.782)
And now depending on how charged this event is, you might just be feeling emotions. Maybe some sadness comes up, maybe some frustration and some anger. That's okay. That means you continue to do this practice until it completely neutralizes. And maybe you're in a place right now where the event that you're thinking of, you've already neutralized it just with your attention.
Continue to send that white light out there. Continue to send that love. And now recognize that you are standing in the center of this bubble, in the center of this realm of protection, and that nothing can penetrate your love. Nothing can penetrate this white light, this energy that is completely surrounding you. And as you realize that, you begin to feel more and more empowered.
Your heart begins to a little stronger. You recognize that this love is the solution to keep you moving forward without ties to things that will drain you and take your energy.
Asha (12:32.427)
And I want you to stay in this visualization as long as you need to with you at the center, you're surrounded by this bubble, neutralizing anything that means you harm, that takes your energy, that distracts you from your goal or your purpose, or from being who you want and desire to be.
Asha (12:58.648)
And then whenever you're ready, I want you to take three deep breaths to come back out of this meditation into the present moment. You can inhale in through your nose and exhale out through your mouth, let your shoulders drop.
Asha (13:16.534)
One more time, inhale in through your nose, bringing this visualization into the memory of your body. Exhale out through your mouth, solidifying any growth or progress you made. One last time, inhale in through your nose and exhale out through your mouth, closing the meditation. Beginning to become aware of any sounds in the room.
any sensations on your body, just noticing how you feel.
And whenever you feel your energy coming out of your body, out of your focus, and when you feel your energy being directed to some event, some person, some experience that no longer benefits you, you can drop back into this meditation at any time. You could replay this podcast, you could do it on your own, but know that it is your mind, it is your focus that can begin to neutralize
any energy that is coming towards you that is unwanted or that can stop you from sending energy out that really doesn't benefit you. And you don't have to go back through and understand the event. You don't have to go back through and forgive the person. It's not really about that. It's about neutralizing the hold that it has on you. So I hope that this gives you a way to move forward this week. Please let me know how it feels for you to do this.
I would love to hear back from you. You can connect with me on Instagram at Asha Wilkerson ESQ. I'm also on Threads. You can find me there or you can leave a podcast. Sorry, you can leave a comment under this podcast and let me know how it works for you. All right, until next time.