What Actually Happens at an Ancestral Healing Retreat (And Why It's Not What You Think)
Let me guess: you searched "ancestral healing retreat" and ended up here, half curious, but also half skeptical.
Maybe you've been feeling disconnected, and someone suggested you look into ancestral work. Or maybe you read the phrase "ancestral healing" on my website and thought, What does that even mean?
Here's what probably ran through your mind:
Am I spiritual enough for this?
Is this going to be too woo-woo?
What if I don't believe in this stuff?
Are we going to sit in a circle and chant?
What if I do it wrong?
I get it, really, I do! I was a licensed attorney and tenured college professor. I lived in my head for 40 years, and I needed receipts, evidence, and logical frameworks. The idea of "ancestral healing" sounded like something other people did, people who grew up with altars in their homes, who knew their lineages, who weren't afraid to look weird.
But here's what I learned: ancestral healing isn't about performing spirituality. It's about coming home to yourself.
Let me show you what actually happens at a healing retreat and why it might be exactly what you need, even if you think you're "not spiritual enough."
First, Let's Talk About What Ancestral Healing Actually Is
Ancestral healing is not about summoning spirits or performing rituals you don't understand. It's not about pretending to be connected to practices you weren't raised with.
At its core, ancestral healing is recognizing that you carry the wisdom, trauma, resilience, and patterns of the people who came before you. The joy too. It’s about learning to work with your inheritance instead of being unconsciously controlled by it.
You know that voice in your head that says, You have to work twice as hard to get half as much? That's ancestral wisdom. It kept your people alive and got you here, but it might be time to let that mantra go.
You also know that exhaustion that lives in your bones, the one that says rest is laziness, and you have to earn your worthiness. That's ancestral trauma. It also kept your people alive and got you to where you are now.
Ancestral healing is the process of sorting through what to keep and what to release. It honors the sacrifices while also recognizing that you're allowed to live differently from how they did.
You don't have to earn your freedom; they have already given it to you. The highest honor you can give them is to choose ease instead of struggle.
What "Ancestral Healing Retreat" Really Means at HELD
HELD is a private 4- day healing retreat in Lisbon. It's called "ancestral" not because we're performing elaborate rituals, but because the work we do is rooted in the understanding that you didn't just wake up one day feeling unworthy, burnt out, and disconnected by chance. You inherited these patterns.
And now that you know, you get to choose differently.
Here's what the retreat actually includes:
Daily check-ins with me. These are not therapy sessions, but a space to talk about what's coming up for you, what you're noticing, and what feels hard or surprising.
Curated healing sessions. I choose modalities based on what I sense you need. This might include breathwork, Reiki, massage, sound healing, tarot readings, craniosacral therapy, or other somatic practices. I design the experience for you so you're not picking from a menu and hoping you choose correctly.
Spacious, unstructured time. You know how travel can feel rushed and like you sometimes need a vacation after the vacation? Not at HELD. Here, you have enough space between sessions, so you’re never moving from activity to activity. You have time to rest, journal, sit in the garden, walk through Lisbon, or do absolutely nothing. You need space for the real insights to come.
Prepared meals. Breakfast and lunch are provided each full day. You don't have to think about food or where to eat. You just get to receive.
Private accommodations. You're staying in a beautiful space in Bairro Alto, one of Lisbon's most historic neighborhoods. You're not sharing a room or managing other people's energy. This space is yours and yours alone.
Integration practices. Each evening, I'll suggest a simple ritual or journaling prompt to help you process what came up during the day. It won’t be complicated and will give you space to reflect.
The goal isn't to fix you or transform you into someone else. The goal is to create a container where you can finally hear yourself and where your ancestors can remind you who you actually are.
What It Feels Like to Be at an Ancestral Healing Retreat
Let me walk you through a typical day at HELD.
Morning: You wake up without an alarm (because you're in a different time zone and your body is finally allowed to rest). You make coffee or tea in your space. You sit in the garden if you want, or you stay in bed and journal. There's no schedule yet, and you're just being.
Around 10 AM, breakfast is served, and we check in. I ask how you slept, what came up overnight, and what you're carrying today. We talk for 20-30 minutes to check in and see if anything needs to be adjusted.
Late Morning/Early Afternoon: You have your first session of the day. Maybe it's breathwork, where we spend 45 minutes moving stuck energy through your body using only your breath. Maybe it's a massage with a practitioner I trust. Maybe it's craniosacral therapy, where someone holds space for your nervous system to recalibrate.
You don't know what the session will be until I tell you, and that's on purpose. Your job is to show up and receive, not plan or worry.
Afternoon: Lunch is ready when you finish your session. You eat slowly because there's nowhere to rush to. Then you have hours of free time, which you can use to nap or walk through the neighborhood. You can sit and stare at the tiles on the buildings or people-watch at a miroduro.
This is the hardest part for most people: the permission to waste time. But it's also where the magic happens. Your nervous system starts to believe that you're actually safe enough to rest and that you don’t have to be busy to be productive.
Late Afternoon: Your second session of the day could be a tarot reading where we look at what your intuition is trying to tell you. Or it might be a Reiki session, where you lie down and let someone channel healing energy to you through their hands (I know, it sounds weird, but just try it). Maybe it's sound healing, where the vibrations of singing bowls move through your body, and you feel like you're floating.
Evening: Dinner is yours to figure out. You can explore Lisbon, order in, or go to a restaurant I recommend. You have time and space to be alone with your thoughts and to experience something new and nourishing.
Before bed, I'll send you a simple reflection question or ritual. What did you notice today? What wants to be released? What wants to be remembered? You write in your journal or don’t. Nothing is mandatory.
Imagine this for 4 days!
By the end, something will have shifted and even if you can’ t name it, you’ll feel it. You’ll feel safer, softer, and clearer, and after that, you’ll trust yourself more.
What Makes This "Ancestral" (Even If You Don't Meet Your Ancestors)
You might go through the whole retreat and never have a dramatic vision of your great-great-grandmother or “hear” voices or “see” signs. That's okay, and it's normal.
Ancestral healing doesn't require you to meet your ancestors in some mystical way (though that can happen). It requires you to live in a way that honors what they wanted for you: your freedom.
Here's what I mean:
When you allow yourself to rest without guilt, you're healing the part of your lineage that had to survive through relentless work.
When you say no to people-pleasing and set boundaries, you're healing the part of your lineage that had to stay small to stay safe.
When you reconnect with your body and your intuition, you're healing the part of your lineage that had to disconnect in order to endure.
When you choose freedom over security, you're honoring the part of your lineage that fought for you to have choices they never had.
That's ancestral healing. It's not about spiritual performance or displays; it's about learning yourself well enough to break cycles.
The Part That Surprised Me (And Will Probably Surprise You Too)
I thought ancestral healing would be heavy. I thought it would be all about grief, trauma, and uncovering painful stories. After all, coming from the Americas, we only learn about the most tragic parts of our Black history.
And yes, some of that comes up, but what surprised me was how much of it felt like relief.
In 2024, I did a guided meditation to meet my four ancestral lineages. On my mother's father's side, I saw a little old man leaning against some steps with a staff in his hand. He looked at me, and the feeling I got was: "We've been waiting for you."
When I fell into what was happening, I saw that they were educated, fit, ate well, lived off the land, had peace, and were happy. They were aligned in mind, body, and soul.
The message for me was clear: Find your alignment. That's what honors us. Not the CEO position or the stress. Not even the things your recent ancestors fought for. Those were tools to help you learn how to be free. But true freedom is in the alignment of your mind, body, and soul.
Once I received that message, I stopped feeling like I had to prove myself. I realized that this moment in Black history, the past 400-500 years, is an interruption in our timeline; not the whole story of who we are or where we came from.
When I connected to the frequency of my distant ancestors, I felt a sense of freedom. I didn't have to play the colonial game anymore, and after that, I chose not to.
That's what ancestral connection can do. It gives you the permission you didn't know you needed.
That might be what happens for you at HELD, or it might be something completely different. The point is: you don't have to force it. You just have to be willing to be open.
Common Questions I Get About Ancestral Healing Retreats
"What if I don't know anything about my ancestors?"
You don't need to. Most Black Americans don't have detailed records beyond a few generations because of slavery and the intentional destruction of records. That's not a barrier to this work; it's part of what makes it so important.
Ancestral healing isn't about knowing names and dates; it's about recognizing patterns, honoring resilience, and choosing how you want to move forward.
"What if I'm not 'spiritual'?"
Look, I'm a licensed attorney, and although I believed in a “Creator,” I needed logic and frameworks to help me open my mind. Here's what I learned: spirituality isn't about believing in specific things; it's about being willing to trust something beyond what you can see and measure with your eyes and hands.
If you can trust your intuition, if you've ever had a gut feeling that turned out to be right, if you've ever felt connected to something bigger than yourself, you're already spiritual.
"What if I do it wrong?"
You can't do it wrong because there’s no test to get it “right.” There's no right way to heal. Your task is to show up, be honest about what's happening in your body, and let yourself be supported. That's it.
"Will I have to talk about trauma?"
Only if you want to, I'm not going to push you to excavate painful memories, but we will work with you to address what's present in your body right now. If something comes up, we hold space for it. If it doesn't, that's fine too.
"What if I cry the whole time?"
Then you cry. I've got tissues, and I won't make it weird. Most people cry at some point during the retreat. It's a release, and it means something is moving. And here’s a fun fact about me: I cry for my clients all the time, especially at the most inopportune moments. I cry when I lead breathwork, when I give a reading, and sometimes when I plan retreats because I know how life-changing they are.
"What if nothing happens?"
Then nothing happens, and that's information too. Sometimes the healing is subtle, and sometimes you don't realize what shifted until you get home and notice you're responding to things differently.
Trust the process, trust your body, and trust that you wouldn't have been drawn to this if some part of you didn't know you needed it.
Who This Retreat Is Actually For
This retreat is for you if:
You've "done everything right" but feel disconnected from yourself
You're in a major life transition and don't know who you're becoming
You're carrying everyone else's expectations and forgot what you actually want
You're ready to stop performing and start receiving
You're curious about ancestral healing but don't know where to begin
You want to be held by someone who gets it without you having to explain
This retreat is not for you if:
You're looking for a quick fix or a magic pill
You're not willing to sit with discomfort
You want someone to tell you exactly what to do next (I'll support you in finding your own answers, not give you mine)
You're not ready to be vulnerable
What Happens After the Retreat
Here's the thing nobody talks about: most people go to a healing retreat, feel incredible, go home, and within two weeks, they're back to their old patterns.
That's because your environment didn't change. Your family still expects you to be the strong one, your job still demands everything, and your nervous system still gets triggered by the same things.
That's why I created the 7-month HELD + Coaching journey. It includes the retreat plus six months of integration support: bi-weekly coaching calls, Telegram voice message support, and monthly community calls with other women in the program.
The retreat is where you remember who you are. The coaching is where you become her.
But even if you just do the retreat, you'll leave with practices, tools, and a deeper understanding of yourself. You'll have experienced what it feels like to be held, and that changes things.
The Invitation
Ancestral healing isn't about fixing what's broken; it's about remembering what was always whole.
You don't need to be more spiritual, more connected, or more anything. You just need to be willing to show up and let yourself be seen.
If that feels scary but also like exactly what you need, let's talk.
Book a free discovery call, and we'll see if HELD is the container you're looking for. I'll ask you about your story, where you are right now, and what you're hoping will shift. You'll ask me whatever you need to know, and we'll both know by the end of the call if this is right.
And if you're still not sure, download my free guide: When the Wheels Fall Off: A Survival Guide for the Black Woman in Transition. It includes nervous system practices, ancestral connection exercises, and worthiness work you can start doing right now.
You're not alone in this, and you don't have to figure it out on your own.
You're ready to let yourself be held.
Related Reading:
Solo Retreat in Lisbon: Why Portugal Is the Perfect Place for Black Women to Heal
When the Wheels Fall Off: 7 Signs You're Not Burnt Out—You've Outgrown Your Life