Ep 59: Stop Hacking Your Healing: Let Things Take the Time They Take
I used to love a good life hack.
I used to work out more, track my steps, measure my sleep, optimize my schedule, and do the mindset work. I was focused on finding the right strategy to help me reach my goals faster.
But lately, I’ve realized something: trying to hack the process can actually slow it down.
I’m working out less now, and my workouts aren’t as intense. I’m making more room in my schedule. When my smartwatch broke on vacation, I didn't rush to replace it. Instead, I found peace in not constantly measuring my sleep, my steps, or my connection to my phone.
I’m also learning to listen to what my nervous system is really telling me instead of trying to hack my brain or coach myself out of my feelings.
Maybe the fastest way forward isn’t about finding another shortcut.
Maybe it’s about facing what’s actually in front of you.
In this episode, I discuss the power of doing less, why I believe we’re moving away from optimization culture, and what can happen when we stop rushing processes that need time.
Chapters
00:00 - How “hacks” used to run life
01:27 - Old workout culture: maxing out every day
01:56 - Why fewer workouts are helping more
02:25 - More isn’t always better for the nervous system
04:47 - The power of less in commitments and schedules
05:16 - How the smartwatch became obsessive
06:13 - Realizing she doesn’t miss the smartwatch
07:12 - Listening to the nervous system instead of hacking it
08:06 - Mindset coaching and trying to hack the brain
09:04 - Faster progress by addressing the real need
09:33 - Why shortcuts loop you back around
10:04 - The quickest path is facing obstacles directly
11:00 - The biscuit analogy for sustainable change
11:30 - You can’t rush nervous system healing
Key Takeaways
More isn’t always better. Sometimes, your nervous system needs you to do less.
Creating more space in your schedule can bring you more peace than adding another commitment.
Tracking your health isn’t always the same as improving it.
Constant mindset work can end up blocking the signals your body is sending you.
The shortcut can turn into a long detour when you need to go back to what you skipped.
Sustainable change occurs when you work through your process instead of trying to rush it.
The time it takes is the time it takes, and you’re not wasting time by giving yourself what you truly need.
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Asha (00:03.458)
You know what I was thinking about the other day? I was thinking about all the hacks that I used to engage in to try and optimize my life in my body and how as I've made these dramatic, really impactful, really good changes in my life that align with where I am now, I'm no longer hacking things. I'm actually
just letting the processes take the time that they take. So I thought I would talk about how the trend for optimizing everything in life is slowly or maybe medium speed disappearing. That we're just in a different place than where we were five years ago. And I want to give you permission and maybe a place to consider that
your attempt to hack is actually slowing your progress. So what am I even talking about? I remember let's see, what are a couple trends that I can remember?
Asha (01:24.398)
Let's see.
Okay. One of the trends that I can remember or maybe just a practice was working out five days a week, six days a week, having at least two days or three days of cardio and lifting heavy all the time, and just you know, being at max capacity all the time. Now, maybe part of this is also that I'm getting older and so my body just can't handle what it used to, but that's also information. Now
I have changed my workouts around. So I was going to the gym three days a week in the spring, but now I am going to Pilates, Reformer Pilates, and I'm going two days a week. And then I am going to dance class one day a week because I really enjoy it. And that seems to be doing more for my general health, how my back feels, and my mental health than a five day a week workout.
Ever did before, or at least it's treating me better than a five day a week workout would do right now. And so more isn't always better. Sometimes, especially when you were trying to make sure that your internal safety mechanism, like your nervous system, is at ease. Sometimes it requires you to actually do less instead of trying to add.
So much onto your plate that you're not even giving yourself space to just breathe and to just be. So this also occurs in life in general, where I used to be everywhere doing everything, on this committee, showing up at this party, going to this dinner, doing this thing and that thing. And I kept showing up, and part of me wanted to, but the other part of me also felt like I needed to.
Asha (03:22.422)
And now I'm really listening to what actually feels good in my body. There was someone who was coming to town to visit. We had a little bit of of miscommunication on the time, and I thought that we would have more time to try and connect. But by the time she ended up reaching out, it was at the end. By the time I would be free, it would be at the end of a day of working most of the day. And then the next day.
We could meet in the morning, but I also knew that I had to work the following afternoon. And because sleep does not come easily to me, I really try to protect my mornings so that even when I don't sleep very much, that I can just have the space in the mornings. Two years ago, five years ago, I probably would have accommodated the other person's schedule before I accommodated my own schedule and took care of myself because I would have thought that more was better.
That I needed to show up to brunch, I needed to do this and do that because that's what was expected of me. But now I really, really enjoy the power of less. I really, really enjoy the power of having more space in my schedule and having fewer things on my plate. So in your life.
Whether it is in workouts or in your commitments and obligations to yourself, to other people at work, in your house, where can you do less and actually give yourself more in terms of space, peace of mind, and that kind of thing? Another thing that is out for me that I used to really love is my smartwatch.
And I actually really loved my smartwatch because I would get almost obsessive about calculating how much sleep I got. I would look at the steps that I took and have a step goal, which is can be a healthy thing until it becomes obsessive. I would also, I liked it because I like to have my ringer off on my phone and it would just buzz on my wrist and so it would be feel less disruptive, even though my wrist was always buzzing.
Asha (05:44.44)
Chow, when I went on vacation to Sao Tomei in May, do you know that that watch just split open? Like the face just came off of the back. And I'm looking at it right now across the room because it will still charge and it will still tell time, but the face just keeps coming off. And so I took it off in Sao Tomei and haven't put it back on. When I got back, I looked up how can I get the watch repaired, and I think it's just been too long now, so it won't
It's not covered anymore under the company's warranty. But what I'm surprised about is how much I don't miss it. I occasionally miss being able to look at my wrist and tell the time, but I realized that I was obsessing over the number of hours I was getting for sleep, but it wasn't actually changing the hours I was getting. I was just feeling disappointed when it would show me five and a half or six and a half instead of the eight that I was trying to get to.
I also realized that I don't miss missing phone calls. Occasionally when it's a delivery and I'm like, shoot, I forgot to turn my ringer on vibrate. But honestly, I don't miss it when I miss a phone call. I don't feel any kind of way. And I know that even if I miss the delivery guy, they're gonna come back the next day and it's gonna be okay. And so this hack that I had on my wrist to give me health data and to keep me connected to my phone.
Not having that hack anymore actually feels like more peace. It actually feels more spacious. It actually feels more relaxed because I'm not hyper focused on any one aspect or metric of performance around my health and well being. Instead, I'm more focused on the global picture of how do I feel and what do I need now. So instead of hacking.
My nervous system. I'm really learning how to listen to my nervous system. Another thing that is no longer a trend that I really appreciate is trying to figure everything out on your own. There is all kinds of coaching, and I was a part of that as well, and like mindset based stuff and all the this strategy.
Asha (08:06.616)
But I really think a lot of the mindset coaching is just BS. And I wrote about it and I talked about it and I sent an email about it because what I recognized was happening was that we were trying to hack our brains. We were trying to bypass the nervous system that is keeping us safe. But what ends up happening is oftentimes you can gaslight yourself or minimize.
The information that is available to you because you think it's in the way of where you're trying to get to. But now that I've stopped trying to hack my brain, that I've stopped trying to do so much self-coaching, and I have really just allowed myself to hear what my body needs, I've learned to listen to what it's telling me and then to address what it's telling me, it has been so much better. I don't have to
undo or redo or do this mindset hacking so much because I'm just listening to what it's telling me. And when I can just listen to it and then address whatever the need is, I it ends up happening so much faster than me trying to like hack my brain. I hope this is making sense. We're often trying to figure out what is the shortcut. The hack is the shortcut.
And I remember my friend saying a long time ago, he said, every time I try to cut corners, I always end up going right back around those corners that I cut. And I thought, my God, that is so true. And I feel like that's exactly what is happening now in the wellness or the healing space, is that we're moving away from the hacks. We're moving away from the shortcuts because really
The quickest way to get to where you're going is to deal with the barriers or the obstacles that might be in front of you instead of trying to go all the way around them. So I just want to leave you with that today because you might be spending all of this time hacking, trying to find a shortcut. But I think that if you dealt with what was coming up head on and have some support.
Asha (10:33.23)
For you for dealing with it, then you'll probably get through it much more quickly and in a way that is actually creating something different for you so that you can really move, not in a way that is a shortcut where you're gonna have to come back around that same corner that you cut again. This is how you really allow yourself to make lasting change.
Change that will be sustainable because you're working through your process instead of trying to shorten the process. You know, it's like trying to figure out a faster way to make a biscuit. You gotta put the biscuit in the oven for as long as it takes. Now you may put different ingredients in the batter, you may put a little breath work here, you may do a little journaling there, you may call a friend over here, but the time that it takes.
Takes is the time that it takes for the biscuit to rise. The time that you need to be with yourself, to calm yourself, to settle your nervous system is the time that it takes. And you just can't rush it. So sit with that, allow yourself the space that you need. Know that it is perfectly normal. Know that it is not a hack or that it you are you are not losing time because.
The hacks are the corners, and you're gonna end up going back around those corners anyway. I promise you. So the fastest way to get there is just to take the time that it actually takes to do the thing that you want, to feel the way that you want to feel, to move in the direction that you're trying to go. All right, let me know what you think about this episode. I will see you on Threads for our conversation at @ashawilkersonesq Please
leave a comment, like a review, and let me know what you think. I want to hear what you think, what hacks you've tried that you've actually given up that no longer work for you because you're in a different place or that never actually worked in the first place, but you gave it your best shot. All right, ciao ciao.