Ep 60: Reconnect With Yourself: 3 Simple Ways to Come Back to What Feels Good
This month, I’m thinking about reconnecting.
I’m spending August back in the United States with my family, and being home has me reflecting on all the ways we can reconnect, not just with others but also with ourselves.
It’s easy to get caught up in doing everything, meeting expectations, showing up where we’re supposed to be, and building the life we thought we wanted. Then we realize that some of it doesn’t feel good anymore.
In this episode, I’m starting with something simple: remembering.
I also discuss the link between play, the chakra system, human development, and intuition. I explain how trying out what feels good can help you rebuild trust in yourself.
It doesn't have to be big or dramatic; it just has to help you reconnect.
Chapters
(00:00) - How to Reconnect With Yourself
(02:29) - Why Childhood Joy Helps You Feel More Grounded
(03:46) - How Play Supports Emotional Well-Being
(06:24) - Reconnecting With Your Intuition Through Play
(10:20) - Comfort Food, Culture, and Feeling at Home
(12:00) - Creating Rituals That Help You Reconnect
(14:09) - Write a Letter From Your Future Self
(16:55) - Three Simple Practices to Reconnect With Yourself
Key Takeaways
Beware of the Overfunctioning Trap: It’s easy to perform and meet external expectations while privately feeling empty inside.
Play as a Somatic Reset: Play brings you back into your body and breaks up the rigid routine of adult responsibilities.
Grounding in Roots: Tapping into old traditions or foods creates a bridge back to simpler parts of yourself.
Future Self Guidance: Writing a letter from your future self offers perspective, validation, and a gentle connection to the present.
Resources Mentioned
Weekly Newsletter (Love Notes): Join Asha's email list for weekly reflections, community updates, and upcoming offers.
Social Media: Connect with Asha on Threads at @ashawilkersonesq to share your reflections on these exercises.
-
Asha (00:01.106)
Okay, so this month is all about reconnecting. I'm gonna work on some monthly themes for the next couple of months through the end of the year on the podcast. So definitely tune in and see which themes resonate with you. But this month is called reconnecting. And although by the time you're hearing this, we're already on the second week of August, just allow me to start where I'm starting. Okay, that's okay. That's all good.
So this month is about reconnecting and it resonated with me in part because I am being very European right now and I am taking the month of August to visit my family in the United States. So I am back in the US. I am in Oregon with my mom and we are reconnecting. And I recognize that you know connecting with family or reconnecting with family is not pleasant for everyone. Fortunately, I feel like it's a good experience for me.
But I wanted to talk about the different ways that we can reconnect to ourselves to just bring us back into the present moment, back into our bodies, back into making sure that we are aligned, living aligned with the things that we want. Because as you already know, it's so easy to be out there doing all the things, meeting all the expectations, showing up at all the different places. And when you really think about it, maybe it feels a little bit empty. Maybe it feels like it's not giving you.
what it has promised to give you. I mean, I certainly feel that way sometimes when I'm like, yeah, it's gonna be great to go to this concert and to do this thing. And I get there and I'm like, you know what? I would rather be at home. Now maybe that's part of my age or the phase of life that I am in, but I would make more decisions that allowed me to really feed myself and to do what I needed if I maintain a regular connection with myself. So this month
is all about reconnecting. And to start out, I'm going to be talking about reconnecting to things that maybe feel good from childhood. I said maybe because you don't want to connect to the things that don't feel good. And I hesitated a little bit because I know that not everybody had the same kind of childhood. But I think that no matter how challenging or beautiful childhood was, there are probably moments that you can go back to
Asha (02:25.44)
and connect with that actually make you feel really good and really seen. Now here's why connecting to a younger version of ourselves can be really powerful, particularly the child version of ourselves. It's because we often don't learn how to disconnect from our bodies until we get older. So as kids, I talk about it all the time, kids are super connected. They are embodied little beings
To the point where we get frustrated when they throw temper tantrums, we call them really emotional, they have no filter, that part of their brain hasn't developed yet. But also we socialize children out of fully feeling themselves and we tell them that they need to act a certain way. We train them to be in school, we train teenagers to grow up and to get a job and to fit into corporate America or into society. And part of that is necessary. We need to be able to fit into society.
But what society has done is that it's really disconnected us from our emotions, our thoughts, our feelings, even awareness in our body about what feels good or what doesn't feel good. And so part of reconnecting to yourself when you were younger is that you get to hopefully feel on a visceral, cellular, embodied level the things that brought you joy and maybe bring you joy at this point.
So here are couple things that you can do. People talk all the time about play. Do they still talk about play? I was talking about that for a little while, but play. Think about the things that actually bring you joy or the things that are fun for you. How could you play? And I remember a couple years ago, probably during the pandemic, thinking about like, yeah, I just want to play more. And I had a really hard time thinking about what that play would mean.
And someone told me, what did you used to do when you were a kid? What was fun for you? Do you used to color? Do you used to go outside and pick flowers? No, I did not. That seemed kind of boring to me. But I remember as I'm talking to you now, I remember playing kickball at recess. And so at one point we never actually did it, but my friends and I tried to organize like a kickball game because that was fun for us as kids and probably really fun for us as adults to do.
Asha (04:44.994)
But if you're thinking that play feels really distant from you right now, I just want you to sit with that for a moment and just kind of acknowledge it because we get socialized to be so serious, especially if you have a big serious adult job. We get socialized to be so serious and that sometimes play is considered juvenile or we don't have enough time for play. We don't make time for play because you've got this responsibility to handle or you need to prepare for that meeting or
What would people think? But play brings you back into your body. Play is fun. Play is healing. Play is restorative. So what are the things that you can do that could be playful for you? Maybe it's physical, like organizing a kickball game or joining a pickup soccer game or jumping rope like you used to do as a kid, or maybe it's not as physical.
and it's coloring by numbers or painting by numbers. Maybe it's getting a Lego set and building it. Maybe it is having a good time with your friends and going to play mini golf or I don't know. Maybe it's taking a ceramics class and getting your hands in the clay and making stuff that makes you feel good. What are the things that you could do to reignite your ability to play?
Now, another reason why this is important, not just because it drops you back into your body and gets you out of your head, but when you are stuck, if you are someone who says, I don't know what I like, I don't know what I desire, all I can think about is this work that I've been trained to do my entire life. And often when you say to feel my emotions, I don't know what you're talking about, I can't, I don't have access to them. Play is a great way to get back into it.
Let me tell you something that I learned about human development and also chakra development. Chakra is from the energy side of things, but has also been studied, of course, in Indian culture and philosophy and also Chinese culture and philosophy. But when I started learning more about the chakra system, it also lines up with human development as well. So first chakra is your root chakra that develops between
Asha (06:59.156)
zero and three years old that is about home that's about identity that's about feeling safe, secure, knowing that you're taken care of. The second chakra is the sacral chakra. That's what they refer to when they talk about playing. That develops from about three to about age seven. And when you look at little kids, what do they do? They learn by playing. They learn by doing it. They go out on recess. Even preschool
is filled with activities where they're having fun and they're exploring the world. And what that does from an energetic perspective is that it teaches them what they enjoy, what they like and what they don't like. From a developmental perspective, play is one of the easiest ways to learn. You learn by experimenting, by trial and error, by building this tower, and then it gets knocked down and you try again. How can I build it again and make it stand up a little bit longer? You learn by
experimenting with food. You decide what you like and what you don't like. But it all comes through this lens, this filter of play, which is acceptable in children socially. But somehow as adults, we often move away from that. And then we look at people who really enjoy play and we judge them, but they're really onto something because they are constantly in contact with what feels good for them. And they are listening to their bodies because if it is uncomfortable, it's not gonna be
Play anymore, and they're not going to do it. So if you are someone who has a hard time connecting with play, you're so serious all the time. This is actually second chakra work and experimenting, trying new things is the way to heal that in you. And I know in the beginning it might feel really awkward and weird, and ugly who wants to do that and might be embarrassing. But do it. Do it and see what happens. Give yourself
A three-month window to just try new things to explore and to play and to see how you feel because I know that it will be restorative, it'll be reconnective. Now it doesn't mean that you're going to enjoy everything that you do, but that is information. You'll learn about what you don't enjoy, and that is really, really useful information. After the second chakra, we have the third chakra, which is the solar plexus. The solar plexus is also where confidence but intuition reside.
Asha (09:23.242)
And so when you're thinking about connecting to your intuition, trusting your gut, deciding what feelings are right or actions are right for you, that is built off of your second chakra, which is informed by your ability to experiment and play. When you experiment and play, you learn what you like and what you don't like. And then that gives you a basis for your intuition. You will intuitively know what is right for you and what's not based on your experiences.
So, if you were looking to open your intuition, trust yourself more, you have to start with play. So reconnect to yourself through play. Another way that you can reconnect to yourself is through foods that you enjoy. Now, my mother, I love her, love her, love her, love her. She is from Mississippi. And if y'all know anything about Mississippi, Mississippians and Southerners know how to cook great, delicious food that feels like
Comfort food feels like memories, it feels like home. So I am home and I had already gotten up and made my cup of coffee, came back to do a little bit of work on the computer, and then I got back up again, and my mom had made fried okra for breakfast. Fried okra! my god! my god. If y'all are from the south, or if you've ever had cooking from someone from the south, and if you like okra, it's not slimy because it's fried, this was delicious.
And it just took me back to memories of childhood, of visiting my grandparents in Mississippi, of just southern culture. And it felt so good. Just this little plate of fried okra just sent me back into memories of reconnecting with what helped to inform me and shape me and grow me as a child. And so there are different ways that you can connect through food and not just food, but maybe like culture and customs.
I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and we were talking about traditions, things that we wanted to carry forward in our families and things that we wanted to let go of. But maybe thinking about creating a new tradition or making a traditional food or engaging in a practice that you used to do with your family that felt good. Maybe try it this month of August and see what happens. See how it allows you to reconnect to a part of yourself that maybe you haven't tapped into or accessed in a while.
Asha (11:46.156)
And just see. Now, traditions are important not so much because of the act of doing the thing. And of course, not all traditions are helpful and useful, but there is something about the repetition. It's like a ritual. A ritual is useful because it puts your body and your mind back into a place usually of calm or of relaxation. It's really for your brain to settle in.
So we do this with children. Children have bedtime routines. The routine, it's not really about what's in the routine. It's about the the routine signals to the child that it's time to go to bed. We have morning routines. You get up, you wash your face, brush your teeth, put on some moisturizer and some sunscreen and whatever. You start your day. Right? A friend of mine used to, he would brush his teeth and shave his head all the time.
Because that's what he would do to go to work. And it would just trigger that. No matter what time of day he would brush his teeth, he'd start to shave his head even if it was like three o'clock. And it's a routine because it it helped to shape his mind to get ready for work, even if it wasn't intentional. So routines, traditions remind us or they put us in the mindset of whatever we're preparing for. And then we do them over and over again because they get us into the mindset.
So maybe if you were thinking about reconnecting, you know, maybe you make a food from the holidays, maybe you do a game night because your family used to do a game night, whatever that routine or rich ritual could be for you to help connect and get you into a mind frame or mindset or a space that feels or allows you to reconnect, consider doing that in August.
Or maybe you create something new, maybe you do it with friends, or maybe you create a routine or a ritual for yourself that you can do one night a week that helps you to come into yourself, reconnect with yourself and feel really good. The next thing, the last thing, the last recommendation that I have for you for reconnecting with yourself right now is to write a story.
Asha (14:07.662)
And you're probably going, Mmm, I'm not a writer. It's okay. I'm not a writer either. But I think that it would be a great activity or exercise to write a story about yourself and how you see yourself in the future. Or maybe it would be a story that you're writing from a future perspective about yourself now. All the things that your future self would say to yourself now. And the reason why I think this would be.
A really good exercise for reconnecting is because it is often easier for us to give advice to other people than it is to sit with our own feelings and emotions and correct ourselves. So if you put yourself in the mindset of your future self, maybe 10 years from now, and you are giving yourself advice or you're writing a vision for yourself now, but from the future.
You have to connect with what's going on with you right now. You have to. You can't write a vision for yourself if you're not connected to where you are right now. And you'll be able to tap in, or I want you to tap into what does this version of yourself need right now? What does she need to hear? What does he need to do? What does he need to think about? What does she need to see or visit? But write it from your future self for your present day self.
Because that somatic practice, somatic being body-based, it's body-based when you write it out by hand. And it actually really helps you to process because your brain will be moving faster than your hand and you'll just have more time to sit with the thoughts because you can't write as fast as you can think. Doing it on the computer just isn't the same because you bypass some kind of mechanism in your brain because you could type faster than you can write. So it's not the same, doesn't have the same kind of influence or impact.
So definitely write by hand, but write this letter from your future self to your present self with the idea of connecting. And it doesn't have to be profound. It could even be like a two-paragraph letter, two paragraphs of advice or a vision, something like, Asha, my gosh, we're 10 years ahead right now. And I am so proud of you for all the things that you've done. In the present moment, you are feeling XYZ, but you have done the work.
Asha (16:35.512)
To move through those things and now you are experiencing all the love, all the peace, all the joy, all the fun, all the fulfillment that you have been writing about in your journal. And this is how you got here. Something like that. Tailor it to you, of course, make it feel comfortable for you, but try this practice and see what happens. So let me see if I can remember what I told you. So you have three recommendations for reconnecting right now. The first one.
What did I say? Ooh Lord. Hmm.
Asha (17:13.826)
The second one was it food or tradition. So you have three practices for reconnecting right now that I would love for you to try. I'm actually going to give you a week to try this because next week I'll have another connection, reconnection podcast for you. So do these one of these things in this, these next seven days before the next episode comes out. And then, of course, tell me about it. Either leave a comment on the podcast or find me on threads.
At @ashawilkersonesq and let me know. Comment under the podcast and let me know how it went. But the first exercise is to play more. The second one is to either eat a traditional food or find a tradition or a ritual or practice that you used to do when you were younger and do it today. And the third one is to write a letter from your future self to your present self, acknowledging where you are, what you're experiencing, and where you are.
going so that you can tap into the present moment and your connection. Alright, that is it. I would love for you to join my email list if you are feeling inspired. We are going to be shaking some things up around here at Asha's place or with Asha Wilkerson. I don't even have a real name for the overall umbrella, but I'm going to share with you in the next couple of weeks
The re not necessarily rebranding, but the pivoting of the direction that we are moving in. And I think that you are going to like it. So if you want to hear all about it, I'll share it with my email list first. There's a link in the show notes to join my email list. I would love to have you in my company. I send a weekly newsletter called Love Notes. Isn't that sweet? Love Notes to share just things that I'm thinking, different practices, courses that I'm offering.
and ways to connect with me and the community at large. I would love to have you there. I hope you have a wonderful week and I will talk to you soon. Bye.