Ep 37: How I Stopped Fighting My Inner Critic & Started Thriving
In this episode, Asha takes a walk while reflecting on a major personal breakthrough: learning to embrace her inner critic instead of fighting it. She shares insights from an 8-week coaching experience with confidence coach Sylvia Brands (Wrangle Your Inner Critic program) and dives into how radical self-acceptance has been a game-changer in her personal growth journey.
If you've ever struggled with self-doubt, high expectations, or feeling like you're "too much" or "not enough," this episode is for you.
Asha challenges the idea that our inner critic is something to silence and instead explores how listening to and nurturing that voice can lead to greater self-trust, confidence, and alignment.
Key Topics Covered
🔹 Understanding the Inner Critic – Why we develop it and how it impacts our self-worth
🔹 High Standards vs. Self-Criticism – The fine line between ambition and self-sabotage
🔹 Radical Self-Acceptance – How embracing your sensitivity, fears, and wounds can empower you
🔹 Shifting Mindsets – Moving from "fixing yourself" to truly loving and trusting yourself
🔹 Business & Authenticity – Why Asha is stepping away from social media and choosing long-form content instead
Notable Quotes
💬 "What if you didn’t treat those parts of yourself like a problem? What if you met them with the same compassion and love that you would have for a child?"
💬 "My sensitivity is my superpower. It makes me a better friend, a better guide, and a better healer."
💬 "You know who you are. The things you think are a problem probably aren't—they're areas where you need more love and acceptance."
Resources & Mentions
✨ Wrangle Your Inner Critic coaching program by Sylvia Brands
✨ Human Design & Self-Discovery
✨ The power of intuitive decision-making
Join the Conversation
💬 How do you navigate your inner critic? Share your thoughts with Asha on Instagram or in the comments!
📩 Subscribe to the email list for more real & reflective conversations on personal growth, confidence, and self-trust.
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Asha (00:01.236)
All right, let's see how round two of walking and talking for my podcast goes. It is windy, so I hope that it is not too distracting for you. I'm still in my mom's neighborhood and I feel good after doing a workout, had a really productive day. And so I just wanted to come and share what was inspiring for me. In addition to finishing my bookkeeping and getting my taxes filed for 2024,
This is probably the earliest that I've ever done it. I wrapped up a six week that got extended to eight week coaching experience with my good friend Sylvia Brands, who is a confidence coach. And we did her program called Wrangle Your Inner Critic. Now, if you are anything like me, which you probably are, if you're listening to this podcast, your inner critic is alive and well. She is strong.
She is active, maybe she is inner you, I mean your younger child, maybe she is your mother, maybe she is your father's voice, your grandfather, whoever. But I have no doubt that you have an inner critic. And I have known that my inner critic has been strong, but you know, playing around in the coaching world and the self-development world, I thought that my inner critic was a, well...
First, I thought my inner critic was there to help me set high standards and to achieve things. Who would I be? What could I get done if I didn't have high expectations? But I'm here to tell you that there's a difference between being critical of yourself and having high expectations. What I learned as having high expectations ultimately was to be critical of myself and to never think that I was good enough, never think that
it, whatever it was, whatever I was doing was good enough. There's always room to improve, which these things are true, but there's also room to like, just be. So that was one. Don't let your inner critic or don't let your high, don't confuse your high standards with an excuse for criticism. Two, in this coaching and personal development world, I thought that if I had an inner critic and she popped up,
Asha (02:27.946)
and things were challenging and difficult because of my inner critic, because she was dissatisfied, because she was scared, because she was, and my inner critic is my younger self. The little me whose voice didn't get heard, who had to kind of suck it up, take it on the chin, and make the family proud, not disappoint anybody, toe the line, represent all black people in this very white world that I grew up in.
All of that stuff, right? I thought that she was a problem. And so years ago, when I started on this self-development journey of recognizing where I needed to grow, I thought that I needed to silence my inner critic, that I needed to figure out a way to get her not to talk so much. And what that ends up doing,
is it makes you feel like there is something wrong with you. That whatever challenges you're going through, inner voice, whatever fear, whatever discomfort, whatever wound is popping up, feels like it's a problem because we're not taught in most circles how to love that part of ourselves. We're taught that that part of ourselves is a problem because
She's keeping us from making the money that we want. She's keeping us from dating the people that we want. She's keeping us from having a great relationship with our parents. She's the reason the inner critic, maybe your inner critic is not a little girl like mine is, maybe it's a grown man, who knows, right? But that that critic is the problem. What I have learned through these last like three to four months of diving deeper,
on ancestral work, diving deeper with wrestling with my inner critic, diving deeper in trusting myself and getting connected and acting on my intuition is that my inner critic is not a problem. Your inner critic is not a problem. And when I started to really hear her and accept that she was speaking to me and just say,
Asha (04:54.683)
Hmm, okay, I hear you. I hear you. And then I could ask myself, what do you need? And you'll And trust that I would let myself know that my body would tell me, know, energetically, like I would have the energy to move forward.
And that has been a game changer. Instead of feeling like I need to fix myself anymore or feeling like there is something wrong with me anymore, I now really have truly engaged in this radical acceptance of the parts of me that are a little more challenging. The parts of me that are sensitive.
The parts of me that are tough. And the thing is, As kids, we don't learn how to do that. As kids, we're told to suck it up, don't cry, don't this, right? That's how we develop these inner child wounds in the first place. So we don't learn the skills. We have to give those skills to ourselves as adults, right? So, there's a little school bus over here. So that has been the game changer for me
in the last three or four months is like really learning how to accept and love myself. Accept those pieces of me that need a little bit more attention to not be so critical when the inner critic comes up and just to know that she's there because she needs a little bit of love and attention. And...
As I celebrated and I had to give a cheers to myself today, thank you to Sylvia. I said something kind of like, was it Snoop who said, I wanna thank me for showing up, I wanna thank me. It's kind of the same thing. It was like, I wanna thank myself, I wanna recognize myself for continuing down this personal development journey, for continuing to fight, for continuing to be curious and to explore and to get to know myself on a deeper, more authentic level.
Asha (07:06.608)
Because also what I realized is that there was a lot of things that I knew to be true about myself, but I didn't have the confidence to trust them. I knew that there were things like, I'm just sensitive. I'm sensitive, y'all. And instead of just accepting that I was sensitive and letting that be okay, I kept trying to not be sensitive. But my sensitivity is also what makes me
empathic. My sensitivity is also what makes me a really good friend. My sensitivity is also what makes me a really good guide and a good healer because I am sensitive to those around me. Words matter to me. People matter to me. Energy matters to me. And my dad in particular used to get so upset. He's, you're just so sensitive. Well, yeah, but you're also not doing right. So there's that thing too. But I would hear
Maybe you just need to not be so sensitive, but my sensitivity is literally one of my greatest superpowers. So my encouragement or my question or my thought provoking piece to you is to get really curious about those parts of you that you keep trying to fix. And I wonder what you could do to radically accept those parts of you. That doesn't mean
that you don't work to improve things, right? It doesn't mean you're like, this is me, take it or leave it and have an attitude. I mean, I guess you could if you want to, but that also has some consequences. But what if you didn't treat those parts of yourself like a problem? What if you met them with the same compassion and love that you would have for a child? What if you allowed them to guide you
and to give you information about what you need and how you need it? What if you use those pieces of you to really, really practice love? What I think will happen, because it happened to me, is I began to give myself exactly what I needed, which increased my self-trust, which increased my energy and excitement, and I was telling you guys recently,
Asha (09:30.726)
Things are not perfect by any means. There's still a lot of stuff I gotta figure out. Still a lot of financial stuff I gotta figure out. Still a lot of immigration stuff I gotta figure out. But since I have been radically accepting and loving those parts of me that I felt like were a problem, that I felt like were challenge, the whole game has changed. I have felt absolutely incredible.
So that is my charge to you. Practice this week, acknowledging those pieces that are sensitive, those parts of you that you've been trying to work on, and just don't let them be a problem. How can you love them? I'll give you another example real quick before I sign off, because this is happening in the business coaching world. I don't like showing up on social media. It is not how I am built. I was taught,
as a child and also just my personality makeup, that it's not okay to be the center of attention or that I don't need to ask to be the center of attention. If somebody wants to invite me to a stage and speak or to say a few words, I got you. But you are never going to see me put myself in the position to be the center of attention. What is marketing? Particularly social media. You have to have some level of comfort, a high level of comfort, I'll say.
being the center of attention because you were picking up the phone or whatever to post, right? That's not a criticism. It's just, I think it's just true. So my nature is just not like that. And I used to say to more than one business coach, like social media is just not, it's not comfortable. And I would get hit all the time with like, that's just a mindset issue. You need to fix that.
If you don't show up on social media, you don't really want it. Rude. Also, it's probably not the definition of gaslighting, but close to it, right? Just rude, right? What I realized when I dove a little bit deeper into getting to know myself and when I started learning about my human design, it's not even in my human design chart. I knew that about myself though, but because these folks didn't understand me, they were still encouraging me to do something that was not...
Asha (11:54.776)
in line or congruent with how I am built as a person. And instead of listening to myself and trusting my own understanding of myself, I kept trying to, and a little bit still keep trying to, show up in these ways on social media. For years, years, I've been getting help with Instagram, I've gone through stages of getting help with Instagram marketing, all of that stuff, right? It just doesn't occur naturally to me.
Now I am deciding to really listen to myself and to do more long form content like this podcast. I'm also going to be doing more long form content like blog writing because those are the areas where I can take my time, show up, be thoughtful, be authentic because it's like having a conversation with you. And since I made that decision and really like let myself
kind of let go of social media. It doesn't mean I won't post when I feel like it, but it just means that I'm gonna post when I feel like it and not because I have to and I'm gonna rely on these other methods of marketing that I think are more in line. Since I made that decision, I feel really good. I feel excited to do something that doesn't feel like it's pulling teeth for me. I'm excited to see how it comes across to you and I'm out here doing things like,
recording a podcast while I'm taking a walk. How incredible is that? Who does that? Nobody does that, but it works for me. And so hopefully you can see how it's coming through for you too. So again, my encouragement is that you know who you are and how you are. And the things that you think are a problem probably are not a problem. There are areas to practice loving and accepting yourself and working with yourself. Okay. That's it.
I love you. Please let me know how this resonates with you. I'm excited. If you're watching me, you can see it in my face. The sun is also in my eyes, but you can see how, like this just works. It works for me and I hope that you're able to pick up what I'm putting down because I'm really excited. All right, ciao ciao.