Ep 18: Retreats Aren't for the Healed!
Retreats are not just for privileged white women or those who are already healed. They are for people in the process of healing.
Retreats help individuals learn new skills and perspectives, provide safe spaces to share experiences, and allow for rest and self-care. They offer opportunities for personal growth and community building.
Retreats are not about being fixed, but about developing new skills and practicing them in daily life. It is important to prioritize self-care and mental health, especially for black and brown women who are often expected to prioritize the needs of others.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking personal growth, looking to expand their perspectives, or in need of a restorative retreat experience. Discover how retreats can be transformative spaces for healing, regardless of where you are in your journey.
Resources
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Asha Wilkerson (00:01.342)
You know that retreats aren't for the healed, right? They're actually for people who are in the process of healing. As I'm sitting here recording this podcast, I'm preparing to host a retreat in Monterey, California, and I'm so excited about this retreat. But I started thinking about why people hesitate to join retreats. And I know that some of you think that retreats are just for privileged white women who lounge on beaches in Mexico,
breathing their way into enlightenment. And sometimes you hear people say, I'm not ready for a retreat yet. I can't sit still for 10 minutes to meditate. How could I meditate, practice yoga and pretend to be enlightened? I'm just, I'm not ready. I'm not there. And others of you question what a retreat will do for you when you have to come back to your reality anyway. You think it's just a temporary escape and not a real solution. But here's the truth. Retreats aren't just
for white women, for the already healed, for escapees. They're actually here to help you in your healing. And here's why. They help you learn new skills and perspectives. They are safe spaces for you to let your guard down and share your experiences and to ask for help. And you get the opportunity to reclaim rest and self -care. So right after this intro, I'm going to break down what my perspectives are.
So come back in just a second.
Asha Wilkerson (01:36.86)
Over the years, I've realized that retreats really aren't for people who have already healed, that they're actually to help facilitate or aid in the process of healing or really learning new skills and perspectives. That's the number one reason why you should make time to go on a retreat. It'll help you learn new skills and perspectives because here's what happens. You get either presentations or workshops or conversations from people
that you might not ordinarily have contact with. And they can share with you what has worked for them in their life or what they've studied. It's kind of like going to mini school, but without the test at the end of the workshop or the test at the end of the semester. It is all about just sharing information and practicing what new skills you've learned in that conversation or in that workshop. So then you can use them when you go home.
there really isn't an expectation that you're going to be at a certain level when you get to a retreat. And hopefully if you pick a retreat that where the coordinators and the leaders are really good at what they do, they'll be, the information will be relevant to the person who's been on 10 retreats and to the person who's going on a retreat for the very first time. So you can easily learn new skills and perspectives, which could include meditation techniques...
You know that there's so many different ways to meditate. They're not all about sitting still and being quiet for 10, 20 or 30 minutes out of a day, but there's so many different ways to meditate. You could learn new stress management strategies. You could learn a new approach to self care and personal growth, but this is not where you come to be fixed, but where you come to develop a new skill and then to practice it in your regular daily life.
So as I'm planning this retreat this weekend for these women, it's a women's retreat. I'm presenting on a workshop called respond, don't react. And even though we probably all kind of have an idea of responding versus reacting means, I'm going to share with the women my perspective and some techniques that I've learned along the way to just give myself a pause so that I am responding
Asha Wilkerson (04:01.93)
to something that happens instead of reacting. Now, as I share this information with the women who are there, some are gonna be like, yeah, totally makes sense. Some are gonna say, yeah, I do this already. And some are gonna say, wow, I've never thought about this. But this is not a workshop where I'm expecting people to have this skillset already developed. It's a workshop where I'm sharing my experience. People will add to it to co-create the experience.
And then they can take what works for them and apply it in their daily life. So workshops are great to aid in healing because they help you learn new skills and perspectives. Another reason why workshops are, I'm sorry, why retreats are for the healed and not for the healing is because
Asha Wilkerson (04:52.294)
Another reason why retreats aren't for the healed but are actually for the healing is because they create safe spaces to share your experiences. I've been to a handful of retreats and workshops myself and once you enter that container there's something that happens where there is a rule that this space is a safe space.
If the workshop facilitators are good, they will talk to people about confidentiality, about consent, about allowing people to participate in what feels good for them and not pushing them past their limits. But it creates this safe space to share experiences. And it seems like as soon as that first person opens up with their vulnerability and just gets really real, it allows everybody else to open up
with their vulnerabilities and to get really real as well. And so retreats can offer a unique environment where black and brown women can connect with others who may have similar lived experiences. One of the things that I've noticed in my life is that sometimes when we're going through things, we often think that we're the only ones who are going through it, that we're the only ones who are struggling in our marriages.
We're the only ones who went to school and are upset that what we studied is no longer what we want to do. We're the only ones who are dealing with debt. We're the only ones who have had a challenging relationship with a dad. We're the only ones who have some work or some healing to do, but that's not true. And when we go on retreats, especially with people who are focused on the same sort of outcome, like healing or like learning a new skill, then it validates
our experiences and it creates a sense of community. And in that experience of validation and that community creation, the participant, you become empowered and you're able to share and recognize that the things that you experience on an everyday basis are not unique to you. And you can ask for support when you need it and when you want it. And one of the biggest things
Asha Wilkerson (07:06.236)
about learning that you have experiences in common with other people is recognizing that it's not something you've done. It's not your fault, but that what you're experiencing is just a part of the human condition. So that's the second reason why retreats aren't just for the healed, but they really help in healing is that they create safe spaces for shared experiences. And the last reason why retreats are
perfect for healing and that you shouldn't wait until you're totally healed, if that's even a thing that's possible to be before you go on a retreat is because it allows you to reclaim space for rest and self-care. Healing retreats always include downtime for you to be with yourself, to be by yourself, and for you to find some rest.
Now, if you're anything like me, you have a busy schedule, you have lots of responsibility. And even if your every minute of your day isn't scheduled, you're probably carrying a large cognitive load, meaning you're making decisions for everybody around you. You carry the weight of responsibility with you. When you carve out time to go on a retreat, whether it's a one day treat or retreat or a 10 day retreat,
you are reclaiming time and space for rest and self-care. And historically as black and brown women, we're often expected to prioritize the needs of others over our own. Retreats can serve as a powerful act of self love and resistance, allowing us to prioritize our own wellbeing and mental health in a world that often doesn't encourage us to do so.
So for example, in this retreat that I'm curating this weekend or that I'm co -hosting this weekend, we have workshops and then we have, I'm leading a breath work session in the afternoon on one of the days. And this is a space that is carved out for the women to just receive. I am leading them through a breath work session where I will talk about releasing, where I will talk about being safe.
Asha Wilkerson (09:21.576)
And guess what? The only expectation that I have of the women and their participation is just to show up. If they fall asleep, totally fine. If they breathe through the whole thing and with the activated breath, totally fine. If they just want to close their eyes and meditate, totally fine. But we have curated a space where they can rest and care for themselves. And then also in the retreat schedule, there's other just downtime and there's time for community
and time to go back to the room and just rest. people ordinarily or these folks wouldn't ordinarily have this kind of space to rest and relax if it wasn't for coming on the retreat. So just to recap, Retreats aren't for the healed. They're definitely for the healing. And if you are in your process of healing,
then I really encourage you to look out for some retreats. And I have a retreat that's coming up in September in Ghana. If you are interested in that, definitely send me a message and click on the link below in the show notes. There is still space available to join this retreat. It's September 15th through 21st in Ghana. But if you want to carve out more space for your healing, retreats are the perfect opportunity to do so
because you get to learn new skills and perspectives. You create space for shared experiences and you get to reclaim rest and self care. Retreats aren't just for white women. They aren't for the already healed. They aren't for escapees. They're a beautiful opportunity for you to grow, to let your guard down and to take care of yourself while on your healing journey. I would love for you to join me on a retreat.
whether it's Ghana or one of the ones that I have planned coming up in the upcoming next six months or so. In order to do that, in order to stay on top of the information that I have coming out about retreats, I invite you to join my email list. You can go to my website, ashawilkerson.com and the first little quarter section of the webpage is a space for you to add your email address to my list. And I promise that I will not spam you,
Asha Wilkerson (11:45.322)
but I'll share with you opportunities that you have to be able to rest and release and retreat like what I did there. and to join me for different healing opportunities. You don't have to be healed to come along this journey. This journey is really about meeting you where you are in your process, giving you the skills and the space to be able to keep going and to keep going, knowing that someone is in your corner wishing and
hoping for all the best for you. I will stand with you, stand next to you and hold your hand as you go through this process. So as you move through this day, I want you to remember that it's because I've healed that I've been able to repair old relationships and start new ones from a different perspective. It's because I've healed that I've been able to leave expectations behind that no longer serve me. And it's because I've healed that I'm currently living my dream life
out loud with no regrets. I would love to walk with you on your healing journey. Let me know what it is that you're working on. Send me a message and I will talk to you soon.