Ep 27: To My Tired, Fed Up Black Women
In this episode, Asha Wilkerson discusses the struggles faced by black women in achieving success and the exhaustion that comes from societal expectations.
She shares her personal journey from being a successful attorney to becoming a healing-focused life coach, emphasizing the importance of reconnecting with one's intuition and the power of healing.
Asha offers her coaching services to help others navigate their own healing journeys and encourages listeners to embrace their strength and individuality.
Takeaways
Many black women feel they have done everything right but still face barriers.
Success is often defined by societal expectations rather than personal fulfillment.
Burnout is a common experience among high-achieving women.
Reconnecting with one's intuition is crucial for personal growth.
The American dream may not align with individual desires.
Healing is a journey that requires time and self-reflection.
Coaching can provide guidance and support in the healing process.
It's important to let go of external expectations and define success for oneself.
Empowerment comes from recognizing one's own strength and worth.
Creating a life you love is possible through healing and self-discovery.
Resources
To learn more about starting your healing journey, head to ashawilkerson.com!
Interested in working with Asha? Click here to get on her calendar for a discovery call.
Join Asha's email list here.
Follow Asha on Instagram @AshaWilkersonEsq
Join the WhatsApp group for the African Diaspora
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Asha (00:01.612)
Hey y'all, welcome back. I am just turning on the camera and recording this episode. I don't have a script, but I was inspired to start talking to you because I keep meeting so many women, particularly black women who have felt like they have done all the right things. And particularly, particularly in the United States. And we are running into this wall of feeling like it's not enough,
like this dream, like this avatar, this person we were supposed to become keeps moving further and further away from who we actually are. And now we are exhausted. And now we are deciding that we are no longer playing that game because that's a game that we cannot win.
Asha (01:05.528)
So I just want to tell you briefly about my last couple of experiences, just meeting Black women here in Lisbon, and it has been absolutely incredible. And I don't think it's about Lisbon. I think it's just about the women that I am meeting. So all of us, all of the women that I'm thinking of have gone to college, gotten graduate degrees, been successful in work,
done all of the right things and feel like we have just hit a wall. We feel like we have sacrificed so much of our youth and so much of our happiness and so much of our health and so much of the essence of who we are to reach this level of success. And it's just not coming. It's not the success that's necessarily financial, even though that's harder and harder to achieve these days.
But it's that success of happiness. It's that feeling of having made it, of having achieved, of having played the game correctly and won. And what I keep hearing from people is that work just demands so much more of who we are, so much more of our soul. And it's just not worth it that we keep having to prove ourselves, prove our worth, prove that we're worth being paid, whatever it is that we're asking for. Prove
that our work is just as good as the person next to us and it is exhausting. We are tired of not being seen, of not being heard, and of not being validated. We're also hearing it from people, not just from work, but that there's something wrong with us. We're too masculine, that we haven't settled down, and that there's something sort of inherently wrong with us. And it's just...
Not true. There's just something that's happening, whether it's in the stars or it's in the water, that we as Black women are saying, enough. We're no longer playing this game. We're going to step out of this system, tune back into ourselves and decide who and how we want to be. And we are going to steadfastly create that life for ourselves and follow out that vision that we have for ourselves.
Asha (03:31.214)
So if you are feeling like you've done all the right things, you've played the corporate game, you've done everything that you were supposed to do, and you still haven't gotten there, you are not alone. Let me tell you a little bit about my own story. You may be familiar with it, but maybe not. So I'm going to tell you again here. I went to law school straight out of undergrad. I did everything that I was supposed to do.
I went and got a job at a law firm, a mid-sized law firm doing insurance defense, meaning that I was working with insurance companies, had some success there, and then I got laid off. From there, I started my own law practice and was pretty much writing my own ticket, able to do the things that I wanted to do, and then I got burned out. I hated the fight, I hated going to court, I hated how long it took to resolve cases, I hated...
the strategy of hide the ball, like don't let the other side know what you have up your sleeve because you have to win somehow. And I just, it was not me. It was not aligned with my personality, but I really, really had a hard time deciding that I was going to leave law. And so I took small steps to kind of pivot and transition. I stopped litigating and started advising business owners. Then I stopped doing that and started teaching full time at a community college, running a paralegal program.
And then even at some point that just became too much. When I first got to the job, somebody who was jealous of me tried to have me fired because I was also teaching at another school, even though there were plenty of other white professors who were doing the same thing. But for them, it was prestigious because they were teaching at a state university. But for me, because I was teaching at another community college, I wasn't dedicated and I wasn't focused and I might steal
what we were doing at my school and take it to the other school, even though I had the other job first. And at some point, I just got really tired of proving myself. My entire life, and probably yours too, you have had to show that you were not only equally as qualified as the white people around you, but more qualified. That you were deserving of the spot that you wanted, the job that you wanted,
Asha (05:47.06)
not just on your merits, but because you were also a good person and because you wouldn't cause any trouble and because you were also a team player. There's so much extra that we have to do and show to find success. And then there's that pressure of, well, my parents sacrificed for this or my family really wants this or I'm the first in my family to do XYZ or my parents didn't have this opportunity and so I have to do it for them. And all of that pressure begins to weigh on you.
because at some point you realize this is not in alignment with what you actually want. This is the dream, but it's not your dream or this dream is killing you. I recently met somebody who, like me, experienced health issues. And she said in the beginning, she was like, all right, Doc, what kind of pill can I take? What kind of medicine can you prescribe for me? Because I got to get back to work. And then she realized,
similar to me, that it was either going to be her health and her life or this job. And when I realized that for me, I said, it's time to step back. It's time to figure out how else I can live in this world because this dream is not worth my life. It's not worth my health. It's not worth my wellbeing. It's not worth my brain. It's not worth my sanity and my emotional wellbeing. It's not worth it.
But it took so much for me to be able to step out of that because I did not know of any other way to be. I had been prescribed the American dream since I was a kid. And that's what I wanted. That's what felt like success for me. And in order to step away, I had to admit to myself that the American dream was no longer my dream. And I had to let myself just dream openly.
And to think about what kind of life I wanted to live, how I wanted to be and what I could do. And it took a few years to be able to get there because one, I didn't have permission from myself or anybody else to actually dream that dream. And two, I didn't have a whole lot of examples. I was already an example of breaking stereotypes and breaking barriers by being a black attorney. And for me to leave that sort of success behind and to chart my own path
Asha (08:11.756)
was huge. I didn't know a lot of people who had done that or people who had done that and didn't have like a trust fund or a security blanket behind them. How was I going to leave job security in order to do my own thing? But I had to because it wasn't worth it for me to keep going down the same path of getting sick and having headaches and feeling miserable and not wanting to do the work and not wanting to show up for
myself and realizing that there's no way that I could do this for another 20 years because I won't make it. So I had to allow myself to dream and I had to reestablish that connection with myself, with my intuition and with my inner guidance. And I will say I started down this journey really in 2020 in the pandemic when I was able to sit down and the whole world had to sit down is when I realized that I wasn't in alignment. I actually slowed down enough to think and to feel.
And it wasn't until probably sometime this summer, like late August, September, I'm recording this podcast in October, that I really realized that the best thing I could do for myself was to reestablish the connection with my intuition. And because I had finally gotten it to a point where I could hear it and listen to it, I realized how powerful it was, but it took me four years, four and a half years to be able to even
reestablish the connection with myself because I was so disconnected and so into listening to all the advice of the world and all these coaches and all these people who had come before me telling me what success was. But once I began to think that the answers were inside of myself, then I began to really get committed to tapping into myself and figuring out what I could do and how I could do it. And what really changed the game for me was spiritual healing.
I was working with coaches who had some intuition that could help lead me back to my own intuition. So I want to tell you that if you are a black woman who is feeling lost and fed up and burned out, if you are a woman of color who is feeling lost and fed up and burned out and dissuaded or disillusioned or tricked by the American dream, you are not alone and I can help you make your way back
Asha (10:39.982)
to yourself. I have one-on-one intuitive coaching and guidance that is available to you and I will take you through the same steps and the same processes that I went through to be able to reestablish the connection with yourself that I use to establish the connection with myself. So what happens is I will read the energy that you are giving off before we even begin our call. I'll be able to tell what's going on with you, what energies are weighing you down or
what energies are bringing you up and making you feel happy and light. And I will share those with you at the beginning of each call. And then you can tell me what is going on with you and what you want to work on for that day. And in that session, I will not only witness where you are, but I will tap in to the energy and give you advice and help you to see what's going on, help you to uncover some thoughts that are holding you back, help you to establish new thoughts that are going to lead you forward.
I will offer you journal prompts or meditation or Reiki or whatever energy healing that I feel is necessary in the moment so that when we get off the call together, you will have new divine insight and guidance as to how to move forward. And we will do this for four weeks in a row so that you can begin to take action. And four weeks is such a great amount of time because it's like a little mini sprint. You can do anything for four weeks. You can focus and dive in
and really get into yourself for four weeks. And it's the perfect amount of time because it's also not so long that you get distracted. It's not so long that you'll begin to feel burnt out or like this journey is going to go on forever. There's a hint this journey does go on forever, but there are times to dive in and there are times to pull back and to integrate that you have learned. So this four week intuitive healing container is available to you, particularly if you are feeling lost. I was there.
And meeting with my intuitive coaches and my healing guides and my readers was the game changer for me. And I want to be able to offer that for you. You can go to my website, ashawilkerson.com/register, and you can read more about the four week intuitive healing package that I offer. And if you have any questions, you can certainly send me a message on Instagram @AshaWilkersonESQ and I will get right to you
Asha (13:06.222)
with the answers that I have. The energy exchange for this healing container is $1,111 because angel numbers, 1111 is the symbol of new beginnings. And you are at a point right now in your life where you are closing one chapter and you are ready to open another and you just want some guidance and someone to walk with you on that journey. And I got you. I am that person who can do that for you.
Asha (13:47.438)
Lastly, I want you to know that you are not broken. You are not ungrateful. You are not weak. In fact, you are so strong because more than being able to endure strength is required to be able to say, no, this is no longer for me and to step out charting your own path. So I am proud of you for even considering even thinking
of breaking this cycle or this pattern that you're in so that you can create something more for yourself. This journey is not easy, but it is so, so worth it. And I can tell you that it's because I've gone on this journey, because I've healed, that I've been able to repair old relationships and engage in them from a new perspective. It's because I've healed that I've been able to let go of expectations that no longer serve me
and to create a future and a life that I love. It's because I've healed that I'm currently living my dream life out loud with zero regrets. The very same is available to you, my friend. So reach out to me when you have the chance and let's get started working together, healing from the past and building your dream life.