Ep 21: Do You Love Yourself Enough to Give Yourself Everything You Have Ever Wanted?
In this episode, Asha Wilkerson explores the question of whether we love ourselves enough to give ourselves everything we've ever wanted. She discusses the discomfort many of us feel when asked what we want and the societal conditioning that prioritizes meeting our needs over pursuing our wants.
Asha emphasizes the importance of valuing ourselves and believing that we deserve what we want. She encourages listeners to journal and explore their desires while addressing any doubts or beliefs holding them back.
Takeaways
We often prioritize meeting our needs over pursuing our wants and desires.
It is important to value ourselves and believe that we deserve what we want.
Healing involves dismantling old beliefs and creating new ones that support our desires.
Journaling can help us explore our wants and uncover any doubts or limiting beliefs.
Resources
To learn more about starting your healing journey, head to ashawilkerson.com!
Interested in working with Asha? Click here to get on her calendar and have your questions answered.
Follow Asha on Instagram @AshaWilkersonEsq
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Asha Wilkerson (00:03.384)
Hey there, cannot wait. no. Welcome back to another episode. I'm really excited you're here. This week's question is, "Do you love yourself enough to give yourself everything you've ever wanted?" And if you're like me, that question is probably a little bit uncomfortable because when was the last time you asked yourself what you wanted?
When did anybody else ask you what you wanted and when have we been taught that it's okay to put our wants and needs at the forefront of what we're working for? So this week, I'm going to talk to you about why it's difficult to put yourself first, am I?
Asha Wilkerson (00:49.688)
So this week, I'm gonna talk to you about why this question is so uncomfortable for us. Do you love yourself enough to give yourself everything you've ever wanted? And then I'm going to talk to you about the difference between meeting your needs and meeting your wants. And then I'm gonna break down how you can go about meeting your wants so that you can give yourself everything you've ever wanted.
Ahem.
Asha Wilkerson (01:23.264)
Okay, so this week I knew that I wanted to start doing a little bit more teaching on the podcast because I realized as I was talking about the Ancestral Healing Container these past couple of weeks that a lot of people didn't know what I was talking about and I didn't do a very good job of breaking down some of the concepts. So this week I thought, okay, let me break down a couple of different concepts. But then I also went to my tarot cards and asked Spirit, the universe, my guides, my ancestors,
what they wanted me to talk about this week. And this week I actually pulled the Four of Coins as a tarot card, which I'm gonna show you right now. And what was the second one? The Magician. The Magician is here. You can see it if you are looking at the video of this podcast.
So I wasn't quite sure exactly what that meant that I was supposed to talk about today, but the Four of Coins is really about earthly energy or the energy of earthly stability and security. And as you can see in this card, this woman here is looking at the doors and in this deck, is African, no, "Black Tarot."
This woman has cowrie shells and cowrie shells in some parts of West Africa used to be used as currency before coins were introduced or before paper money was introduced. And so she has these coins in her hand, which means that she is focused on securing her earthly security, right? Which is like money, resources, home, that kind of stuff. But the card is asking us to make sure that we don't get so caught up on earthly security,
that we forget about the internal security and the emotional security and the mental security that we also need as human beings to flourish and to thrive. And then this Magician card shows this man with all of the elements and the moon, phases of the moon. And it is really talking about harnessing the power of the inner consciousness and also the outer world to manifest
Asha Wilkerson (03:39.66)
whatever it is that you want. So the magician is a powerful manifestor because he's able to use his internal consciousness and what he knows about the outer world to get to what he wants. And so that made me think about, do we love ourselves or do you love yourself enough to give yourself whatever you want? And going back to this Four of Coins,
Most of us have been taught that we need to secure our financial security. We need to secure our resources, especially as Black and Brown people in the United States or just around the world where a lot of us are financially insecure. A lot of us have been kept out of higher education or from home ownership. We understand the institutionalized structures that have kept people of color on the
bottom end of the class scale, right? In lower class. And so what our parents and grandparents probably taught us was to make sure that we secure the bag, make sure that we secure the money. So we went to school, we got a great education, we went and got a good high paying job, and we have actually secured ourselves in a position where we are financially stable.
But the problem is many of us haven't actually paused long enough to realize that we are financially stable. And when you are financially stable, you have the opportunity or a great foundation to be able to look at other areas of your life, to see where you want to grow and provide stability for yourself. So once your resources are taken care of and your money is taken care of, there comes a point where
you're on track. You don't need to worry about it. You don't need to continue with that scarcity mindset and you need to flip and think about abundance. And from an abundance point of view, what else in this world do you want? What else do you want for yourself in this world? And do you love yourself enough to give yourself everything that you want? We don't normally get to ask that question. It hasn't been asked to us.
Asha Wilkerson (06:00.374)
A lot of us haven't been in a position to ask that question, but you are in the position now. What is it that you want and do you love yourself enough to give it to yourself? And if you're thinking like, gosh, we're not supposed to get everything that we want. Why not? Who told you that? I actually remember hearing that. I remember being in the grocery store and you know, was good advice, right? But I remember being in the grocery store and I didn't
realize that I had an assumption as a kid that every time we would go to the store I would get something. And I remember my mom saying, just because we've come to the store doesn't mean you get something every time. I remember going, huh, that's really interesting. And so they're a mess. And it's true, right? I didn't need anything from the grocery store. But as an adult, I have started to change my view and really go after everything that I want and to allow myself
to pursue the things that I want without automatically telling myself that I don't need it or it's too much or I don't deserve it or that it's just like out of the realm of possibility. A recent example is choosing to fly business class. Now, I'm new to business class. Eventually, I want to get to first class. But the very first time that I bought a business class ticket,
I had all kinds of like, I should be spending my money in different places. This is a waste of money. Is it really that different? Who do I think I am moving up to this different class level? And as soon as I got a taste of business class and realized how much more comfortable it was than the economy class, ... Plus I'm 6 '1", so the airplanes are not comfortable for me in general. And I'm taking these transatlantic flights from Portugal back to the US. And I realized...
Why would I not deserve to be comfortable, especially when I can afford to pay the cost of the business class ticket. And when I have my finances and my resources in order that paying for this business class ticket is not going to bankrupt me. It's not going to disrupt me from my savings goals. It's not going to throw me off, but what it will do is make my flight across the world or halfway across the world much more comfortable
Asha Wilkerson (08:21.666)
than if I was sitting in economy. And I'm not telling you that you need to upgrade your tickets to business class. But what I am telling you is that you deserve and it is okay for you to choose the things that you want to make a priority in your life and to go after them. And so again, this card, the Four of Coins is reminding us that you have the financial stability. And even if you are
working on your early retirement plan and you're putting money away. Once you funded your buckets, fine, do it, but then allow yourself to also pursue the things that you want, the things that make you happy, the things that help you enjoy life. It's not just about meeting your needs. It's also about pursuing your wants. Okay. And again, the reason why we haven't really thought about that is because
most of our families have been in survival mode for the past couple of generations, but now you're no longer in survival mode and you have the opportunity to really chase and pursue what it is that you want, but you have to love yourself enough. And when I talk about love yourself enough, and this context, I'm really talking about valuing yourself enough to know that you deserve the things that you want, especially when you've put
the resources and finances in place that you were okay. And it's getting out of that scarcity mindset. And it goes back to what I've been saying for these last couple of weeks, that your ancestors' wildest dream is not that you would continue to struggle, but your ancestors' wildest dream is that you would be free anywhere in this world that you want to be doing anything that you want to do, however it is that you want to do it. and none of, Nobody in your lineage wants you to be uncomfortable
in coach class if you really want to be comfortable in business class. Again, just using the airplane as an example, but apply it to where it fits in your life. So you have been meeting your needs your entire life. You have been working to meet your needs your entire life. And now it is time for you to meet your wants. And that mindset shift is different.
Asha Wilkerson (10:46.688)
So be gentle with yourself as you begin to think about what is it that I want? What is it that I actually want to do? What is it that I want to experience? How is it that I want to be loved and allow yourself to really dig into those questions? In fact, I challenge you to just journal for a week every day, ask yourself, what do I want? And then allow yourself to just write.
And I bet in the beginning it'll be like, want a new car. I want this shirt. I want whatever to listen to this music. But as you begin to go a little bit deeper, you will begin to see what your true wants and desires are. I want to be in beautiful relationships with people. I want to make an impact on people's lives. I want to travel the world and experience new cultures and learn new languages. I want to be in right relationship. All of those things.
Those will probably come out day two or day three as you journal, but allow yourself to explore and just to ask the question and then follow it up with, do I love myself enough to give myself everything that I want? And that really is asking, do you believe that you are worthy of it? Do you believe that you are valuable enough to receive what you want? And the answer is yes, because
your lineage has fought for you to be right here, but they don't want you to stay right here. They want you to grow and flourish and to live the best possible life that you can. So now the question is, how do you move through this? What are you supposed to do next? How do you,
begin to shift your mindset and actually pursue the things that you want? And I pulled two more cards for a little bit of clarification. And this is the Six of Knives that came out. So there's six knives. For those of you who are listening, this illustration is of a man, I don't know if he's young, he doesn't look old, but a man that's climbing a rock face, climbing a rock wall or like a boulder.
Asha Wilkerson (13:04.352)
And he's using these six knives as his footholds and handholds so he can scale up the mountain. And what this card is telling us is that we have the ability to use our experiences. The knives are like the decisions, the experiences, the heartache, the heartbreak, the frustration, the challenges in our lives that we've had to this point. We can use them as stepping stones to get to the mountaintop.
So it's not that you need to actually do something completely different than what you've been doing before. It's not that you need to necessarily learn a whole new set of skills. It's not that you need to do a complete 180. This is really about transforming your experiences to get you to where you are going. So maybe you have learned to save money really well. And now you can use that foundation of saving
to transfer those money skills into being able to spend on the things that you enjoy. Maybe you understand what it's like to be disappointed in life by people and you really just want to be in good relationship. Well, now you understand how to be a beautiful friend, a beautiful partner, a beautiful family member, because you have the experience on the other end of receiving what it's like to not be, or not.
be in relationship with someone who's a good friend, a good partner, or a good family member. All of these things that you have experienced allow you to get to where you're going. In this illustration, the man has a little bit of weight on his back and a harness around his waist. And those symbolize the weight that we carry from heartbreak, conflict, or trauma.
And it says that it's time to transform through healing. So you've come too far to turn back now. So those little things that it's the objections that come up. So when I ask you, do you love yourself enough to give yourself everything that you want? What are your first thoughts? Are they doubt? Are they, I don't deserve it. Are they, who could do that? Are they, but my family, what are those?
Asha Wilkerson (15:21.634)
What are those doubts that or those thoughts that come up that immediately keep you from thinking, yes, I can pursue the things that I want and I can give myself the things that I want. Those pieces are bits and pieces of trauma. Those are bits and pieces of old narratives that don't allow you to be free and to be present in this moment. So the way to work through them is to do some healing. And what do I mean by healing? It means
In this context, what I really mean is to go back and to understand what are some of the thoughts and beliefs, the messages, the advice, the admonitions, the warnings, the ancestral trauma, the trauma that has been passed down from generation to generation that keeps you from believing that you should get everything that you want. And that keeps you from genuinely pursuing everything that you want, because there's something in your head, something in your past that's telling you that it's not okay for you to do that.
In order for you to pursue everything that you want, you have to go back and understand why those beliefs have surfaced. So then you can dismantle those beliefs. So for example, as I'm on this journey in Portugal, right, I have, I grew up with a strong foundation that my mom provided for me, my mom and my dad. And I went to college, went to law school,
have a good education behind me, I'm able to make money for myself. And with that foundation, I was able to say, okay, I've taken care of my needs, now what are my wants? But before I made the switch of moving to Portugal and leaving my full-time job and leaving my family in the US, I really thought, could I do this? Am I supposed to do this? This is where I have made it in life in the US is everything that my mom and my grandfather and my great grandparents
fought for, it was for equality, it was for access to education, it was for a good job, it was for money to be able to survive. And I had gotten to those levels. And so when I thought about leaving behind the markers and the pillars of success that I had been told, not just by my family, but also by society, made me successful, I thought, gosh, can I do that? This is everything that they fought for. Would I be disappointing them?
Asha Wilkerson (17:48.494)
Would I be letting black people in general down because I'm an example of what is possible? And I had to really think about what is it that I want and why did they tell me to get an education? Why did they tell me to get a good job? Was it because they wanted me to stay in a job that made good money, but that wasn't a good fit? Or was it so that I would have an option?
So I would always have enough knowledge to fall back on to provide for myself. Was it so I could get a job anywhere or so I could create my own money? And I realized that it was about me having the options. It was about me becoming an asset for myself that I didn't need anybody else to be able to give me something or to do something for me. That doesn't mean that I'm not in relationship with people. Of course I am.
But it means that the advice of go to college, of get this job, of make this money, of do this savings was so that I could be safe and protected and cared for, but so that I would also have an option and that I wouldn't be stuck. And so one of my options was to decide to leave what I was doing and pursue something that I wanted. I had met my needs to a certain point, and now I wanted to meet my wants. So.
How does that show up in your own life? How are you able to look at what are some of the pieces of advice, the admonitions, the sayings that are passed down from your family? And how can you see whether or not they still apply? How can you see whether or not the context still fits? And what can you leave behind because it doesn't apply to you anymore and because it's holding you back? And how can you step into
pursuing your wants and your desires? And the last card that I pulled is this Daughter of Coins and it is a young woman with her horse. And this card is really about being steadfast in discipline. So, you know, when we think of somebody riding a horse, we think the horse is powerful, but they're really working together. This card is really about determination and steadfastness and
Asha Wilkerson (20:10.754)
together with your will and your discipline, you will get to your destination. It's also about allowing the time that it takes to get there. It's about being steadfast, continuing, not giving up after one week, but being in the journey for the long haul. And also people fall off of horses, but what do you do if you've ever ridden a horse? You know that if you fall off, you get right back on. So it doesn't mean that your journey will be without bumps or without falls, but it means
that you get back on and you and your horse, your determination, your steadfastness, your commitment to yourself will ultimately get to the goal that you are seeking. So my question again is, "Do you love yourself enough to give yourself everything that you want?" And if you have resistance to that question or are thinking, what is she talking about?
How can I even do that? I want you to explore that. I want you to journal this week, writing down what you want. Seven days, do it for seven days. Maybe put on some music or don't. Sit down with your cup of coffee. Make sure you have a quiet space. Maybe you set a timer for just 10 minutes and just write, what do I want? What do I want? What do I want? And see what comes up. And then notice the resistance that you have when you say what you want.
Is there a doubt or a thought that comes right after it that dismisses it? And that tells you where you need to do your healing work. And what is the healing work? It's going back and dismantling old beliefs that no longer serve you and creating new ones so that you can get to where you're trying to go. So I can help you with this in two different ways. I have a one -on -one coaching and, what do I call it?
Asha Wilkerson (22:06.102)
I can help you with this in two different ways. I have a one-on-one coaching and healing container where we will work together for three months to help you learn how to get in touch with your wants and your desires and to prioritize them first above meeting everybody else's needs. When you take care of yourself first, you then have the capacity to take care of other people and it doesn't make you selfish. It just means that you love yourself enough to give yourself what you want,
what you need, and what you desire. Then you can show up in the world for everybody else the way that you want to. That 12-week coaching container is available for more information at ashawilkerson.com/coaching. Together we will use a combination of coaching one week and then breathwork another week, coaching one week and then reiki and meditation another week, coaching one week and then an intuitive reading or psychic reading session
the next week. And the reason why I alternate weeks is because it is great to plan, to make a plan and to move forward. And also you need that somatic support, that body support, that emotional support, that support from your, your ancestors and your guides and your angels when things get uncomfortable. And I want to give you the space to process that with me every other week. So it's not just go, go, go, go, go, but we're giving space to,
integrate and to allow ourselves to be human because we're making changes. And the other container I have is the Ancestral Healing Container that is opening back up again for October. This is a four-week group healing container where you will get in touch with your ancestors, you will begin to release some of the old thoughts and beliefs that are holding you back. You will get in touch with the joy
that comes through your lineage that we often don't think about tapping into. And then we will get in touch with what our ancestors want for us moving forward. That is a four-week container. It's a group healing program. We meet online and it's four weeks of breath work with support in between and the form of WhatsApp in the form of journal prompts in the form of an ancestral reading through tarot cards as well. To get more information on that, head to ashawilkerson.com/ancestral-healing
Asha Wilkerson (24:27.978)
and take a look. Of course you can send me a message. Find me on Instagram, @AshaWilkersonESQ. Send me a message if you have any questions about anything that I have just shared with you today.
Asha Wilkerson (25:05.836)
And as I sign off, I just want you to remember that it's because I've healed that I've been able to repair old relationships and start new ones from a different perspective. It's because I've healed that I've been able to leave expectations behind that no longer serve me. It's because I've healed that I'm currently living my dream life out loud with no regrets. And the same is available for you too.