Ep 10: 3 Self-Care Tips for Making Big Changes
In this episode, Asha Wilkerson shares her personal experience of making a major life transition and the challenges that come with it.
She emphasizes the importance of staying connected with one's desires and not getting caught up in external expectations.
Asha also highlights the need for a supportive outlet to voice frustrations and concerns, whether it's through journaling, talking to friends, or seeking therapy.
Lastly, she encourages joining a community of like-minded individuals on a similar path to provide support and guidance.
Takeaways
Stay connected with your wants and desires to guide your decision-making process.
Find a supportive outlet to voice frustrations and concerns.
Join a community of like-minded individuals who can provide support and guidance.
Take action on your dreams and be willing to step out of your comfort zone.
Chapters
(00:00) Introduction and Setting the Stage
(01:43) Leaving Home and Transitioning to Portugal
(06:39) Navigating Differences with the Older Generation
(09:51) Staying Connected with Your Desires
(10:44) Voicing Frustrations and Finding Support
(12:48) Joining a Community of Like-Minded People
(15:40) Invitation to the Black Women's Healing Retreat in Ghana
(19:12) Closing and Final Thoughts
Join the Workshop
Next Level Living: How to Make Big Moves for the Life of Your Dreams
Resources
To learn more about starting your healing journey, head to ashawilkerson.com!
Interested in working with Asha? Click here to get on her calendar for a discovery call.
Follow Asha on Instagram @ashawilkersonesq.
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Asha Wilkerson (00:00.598)
Hey y 'all, welcome back to another episode of Because I've Healed. I am so delighted and grateful that you are here. This episode is going to be a little bit different for a couple of reasons. One, I'm on the road. I'm recording this episode right now from Panama City, Panama in Central America. Two, I didn't write out the full concept for the episode like I normally do. So I'm going to, I've got an outline, but I'm going go a little bit off the cuff. And three, what I'm going to be talking about today,
is actually, And three, what I'm going to talk to you about today is actually still really relevant and present for me right now. And usually I try to wait a little bit so that there's some distance between what I've experienced and me telling you about it so that I can make sure I've got all the lessons together. But today I felt like it was really important just to share what I'm going through and experiencing right now as I have left home,
and I'm traveling on my way to relocating my life completely to Portugal. So stay tuned. It's going to be a great one.
All right, so let me tell you what's going on with me right now. About a week ago, almost a week ago, I left Portland where I had spent a couple months with my mom in my transition of leaving California and heading to Portugal. And originally I was supposed to be in Portugal in February. My housing fell through and then I decided to stay a couple more months with my mom. Now I'm my mom's only child and we are super, super connected. Plus I've got some really good friends in Portland plus,
since I've transitioned my business from the law practice and business coaching to life coaching and healing, I wanted to take advantage of that time in between to really just reconnect with myself, get clear on what it is that I want and to build the business without the pressure of having to make it in this new world and new life. And what I'm experiencing, it has been really, really good, even though there's a part of me that feels like I'm not yet making progress or when I was there, at least I felt like I wasn't making any progress because I was just
Asha Wilkerson (02:06.488)
in the same place for three months. But now that I have left and literally jumped on an airplane, I feel so excited. And there's a couple of things about that. I know that I am so happy and inspired and creative when I'm traveling the world and when I'm living in different places. Yet it was really important for me to have that time to sit down and to get grounded and to get clear with what I wanted and how I wanted to do it.
So I am really excited about that. I'm excited about the changes that have happened. I'm talking to my friends and like, you just seem lighter and brighter. I'm like, yeah, it's because I'm no longer on the West Coast and I'm doing the thing that I love, which is traveling and connecting to people. But let me tell you what also has happened. There's not always the support that I want to have as I'm making this transition. And it's not that anybody has told me,
not to make this transition, but because I am moving further away, the dynamics of some of my relationships are changing. And I'm okay with that because I know that I'm gonna do what I can to maintain contact and to stay in touch, but some of the people that are important in my life feel like they're being left behind. And I wanted to share this with you today because this happens
every single time we get to a new level or every single time we level up. We are surrounded by people who are in the same place as us, either mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, who we have things in common with. But every time you get ready to take the next step, there's undoubtedly going to be some people that you leave behind. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does change the relationship dynamics. And sometimes that's not too
fun, especially when those voices that you're hearing or the people that you're changing the relationship with are really important voices in your life. So for example, my family has been supportive, but they're also questioning what I'm doing and making comments about, well, I hope you find yourself and when are you going to get it together? And you know, you're just in a different place than everybody else.
Asha Wilkerson (04:23.064)
And I've had to really sit with those comments and to recognize that those comments are actually more about the people in my life saying them than they are about me. Sure, I am on a journey to find myself again and to realign my life, but I don't feel like I'm lost without a purpose. I'm actually very clear on what my purpose is. My purpose is to live and work and be in alignment at all times. That's what I want to do.
I'm creating a life or recreating my life that feels really, really good. A life where I can thrive and shine and not have so much friction and just enjoy existing. But that also comes from a place of privilege because I'm not worried about, at least not yet, about being hungry or not being able to pay rent, right? I've planned it out so that I've got some cushion for myself and I'm trusting my skills that I'll be able to provide a life for myself. But the older generation
didn't have that same luxury. like my mom and my uncle my auntie they worked for the same employer for 40 plus years or almost 30 not 40 yeah 40 plus years or almost 40 years my auntie worked for almost 30
My mom, my uncle, and my auntie had careers where they worked for the same employer for right around 40 years. That doesn't exist for us today, for us millennials and the younger generation. Life looks totally different. Work looks completely different. The American dream looks completely different. Or maybe the dream is the same, but the way you go about getting the dream can be totally different. And so what I'm experiencing now is that
rub between doing something different than the generation ahead of me or before me, I should say, and finding my own way. I'm very, very clear that that I'm on the right path and that I'm doing what I need to do. But there's still part of me that wishes I had a little bit more understanding, I would say a little bit more support. So I thought today about
Asha Wilkerson (06:31.576)
what can I tell people who are experiencing a similar thing, a similar up level or a similar change? What do you need to do when you're making a change in your life that may take you away from the support system that you know and throw you into a new situation? And there's three things that I think you really need to do.
Asha Wilkerson (07:01.016)
The first thing is to make sure that you stay connected with your wants and desires. I have spent a lot of time journaling and reflecting and in Reiki sessions and in yoga and in different healing sessions, just thinking about what it is that I actually want and whose voices am I listening to? Are the measures of success, are they my measures of success or did they come from someplace else?
And I'm doing that without judgment. And I'm making sure that at each turn or that at each decision, I'm at decision point that I am asking myself, Asha, what is it that you want to do? But in order to stay connected to that innermost desire, I have to create this quiet space for myself. For me, I love doing that in the morning. My favorite morning routine is to get up, make a cup of coffee and to sit down with my journal and just write.
Sometimes I'm writing about an event that's come up, some thoughts that I have, and sometimes I just free write just to see what happens. But that allows me to actually get my thoughts out on a piece of paper without having to talk to anybody else about them. It allows me to see what's coming up, and I'll write that thought down, and then I'll think about, well, where did that come from? Is that actually from me? Is that actually what I want? I can give you an example from years ago. I was just talking about this with a friend. We were talking about...
the online business movement, especially for women, probably seven, eight years ago, it was have a six figure business and now it's have a million dollar business. And I remember getting swept up in the phrasing of have a million dollar business, have a million dollar business. And I was calculating how much legal work I would need to do to have this million dollar business. And then something said, Asha, do you actually want a million dollar business? Not that I don't want a million dollars, but do I want to do what it takes to have a million dollar business?
Is a million dollars what I actually need to be happy? Or could I be really happy with $150 or $250 or $400,000? And I started to think about that and I thought about what kind of life I wanted to live, how much money it would take. And I'll tell you mine right now as a single woman with no kids being able to pay off my debt, my student loans and to live the life that I want and be able to travel whenever I want, that is about $264,000
Asha Wilkerson (09:23.928)
not a million dollars. And so I had to really think about what was it that I was hearing out in this world and what was I getting caught up in and swept up in and what was actually true for me. So as you're getting ready to take this next step, if you're just thinking about leveling up or making a big change or you're actually in the midst of it, you must stay connected with your desires. Really think about what they are, write them down, meditate on them and make sure
that your desires are really your desires. And once you have those, those are going to chart your course. They're going to help you make the decisions that will help you get closer to those desires and to stay away from the decisions that are going to take you away from them. So do that. Meditate in the mornings, journal, whatever your practice needs to be for you. Stay connected and in tune with your desires regularly.
Asha Wilkerson (10:20.568)
The second thing that's been really helpful for The second thing that's been really helpful for me as I make this transition is having an outlet to voice my frustrations. Now, fortunately, I consider myself really blessed to be able to have a few different outlets. One of them is also my journal, but I also have really good friends who are super supportive so that I can talk to them when there's
a difference of opinion between my mom and me or when my uncle doesn't understand what I'm doing or why. And I can, they're safe spaces for me to just be able to talk without having to censor myself, to say, these are my dreams. What do you think about this? Or this is what I experienced. How would you handle it? Or just to have an ear to listen. So I am so grateful for my friends who are able to hold that space for me. But for you, it could be your journal.
It could be a good friend, it could be a family member, it could be a therapist, it could be a community group, whoever or wherever that space is, it is so important to be able to voice the frustrations or the friction points that you're experiencing because just because you're healing and you're leveling up doesn't mean that it's going to be easy. In fact, when you start making changes and choosing you,
sometimes it becomes a little bit more frustrating because now you're disrupting the status quo. Now you're disrupting the way you were used to relating to people and the way people were relating to you. And they're going to say stuff. I would not expect everybody to be content or happy with the change in relationship, but you will find people who will be supportive of the changes that you're making in your life. And it's really, really important that you connect with them, that you have at least one person
to voice your frustrations, your concerns, your fears. You need one person that you can go to when you need some encouragement, a little loving, so that you can continue to move forward on your path as you keep your wants and desires front and center.
Asha Wilkerson (12:30.424)
The third thing is to join a community of like-minded people. Join a community of people who are thinking like you and who are moving in the direction that you want to go in. One of the first things that I did when I decided that I was interested in moving to Portugal is I joined the Black in Portugal WhatsApp text group and started following them on Instagram. Now, that group is huge. There's a lot of messages that go back and forth.
I have them on mute and I tune in when I want to, but it's really, really helpful to see that there are hundreds of people who have decided to leave the US and to move to another country and to move to Portugal specifically where I am going. I am also in a group coaching, business group coaching group, and that is super helpful because I'm there with other online entrepreneurs and some are meeting in person, but people who are building their businesses using the internet,
who are trying to create freedom, who are people of color, who are experiencing similar situations as me, who are breaking generational traumas, who are building generational wealth, who are people who are starting their own or maintaining their own businesses to get to their dreams. And they're doing it in a way that aligns with them. And I have joined this business community and multiple business communities to make sure that I get the support that I need because
my friends who are still working in nine to five, they may be supportive, but they're not gonna run up against the same issues because they're not entrepreneurs. So I've also joined a few other groups like Reiki groups, I've gone back to yoga, I have surrounded myself with people who are on a similar spiritual and healing journey as well. And in the beginning, I was like, oh, people are gonna think I'm weird for doing Reiki, they're gonna think I'm weird for
I don't know, divesting from the Christian church. So you're gonna think I'm weird for wanting to increase my intuition. But the more that I talk about the journey that I'm on, the more I meet people who are on a similar journey. And instead of feeling like I'm the only one out here trying to figure this out, I realized that I'm surrounded by a community of people who are on a similar path, who have lots of love and support and wisdom to share. And it means that I'm not walking that path alone.
Asha Wilkerson (14:53.304)
So whatever the changes that you want to make, if you were thinking of moving to another country, if you're thinking of starting a business, if you're thinking of quitting your job or retiring early, whatever it is that you are looking to do, find a community of like-minded people who can help you get there. Now, one of the opportunities that I have for you to join a community of people is to come with me on a Black Women's Healing Retreat to Ghana. If you are a Black woman who is looking
to heal, please do it in community. We can get only so far in ourselves, on our own, by ourselves, but to do it in community will just take us to the next level. The retreat in Ghana takes place September 15th through the 21st. We'll land in Accra and head to Cape Coast. We will spend the week together learning, healing, connecting with our ancestors, resting, resetting, and coming home in every sense.
of the word. This retreat is transformational. My first and second time to Ghana and third time to Ghana, I was completely transformed. Not because of some like giant thunder clamp clap in the sky, but because it helped me figure out who I was even more. It helped me reconnect to myself. It helped me learn a different narrative about my ancestors, which allowed me to see myself in a different light.
And it allowed me to put myself first and to learn how to meet my needs first because I realized for me that all my ancestors, all our ancestors have ever wanted was freedom. And how do you get other people free? First, you have to free yourself. That gave me the permission to divest from corporate, to resign from my full-time job, to decide to leave the United States and to move abroad, not because
this place is better than the other, but because it aligns with who I am, who I want to be, and it allows me to flourish and to grow and to be happy and to be creative. So if you are interested in heading to Ghana with me in September, please head to my website, ashawilkerson.com/Ghana, and check it out. And if you are not able to come to Ghana with me, I would encourage you to sign up for a one -on -one,
Asha Wilkerson (17:20.344)
coaching inquiry call. Remember the second step that I talked about is having an outlet for yourself so that you can share your frustrations, your hopes and your dreams with someone who can be supportive. I am that person for you in my coaching container. Not only will I help you connect with your desires and to flesh out your wants, but I will also make sure that you have a plan and the next steps for how to get there.
It's not enough to just dream. Dreaming is important. But what I believe in more than that is actually taking action on your dreams. And it's amazing to me how many people say that I'm being courageous by deciding to leave the US. And honestly, I don't really see it as courageous. I see it as an unwillingness to sit in my discomfort. I'm unwilling to continue the discomfort that I do know. And I'm willing to take this step.
explore something that I don't know because it could be, probably will be better. But oftentimes people are afraid of what they don't know and they'd rather sit in what they do know, even if they are uncomfortable. But I am not going to let you do that. I will not let your dreams pass you by. So if you're ready to have some accountability to start taking steps on living the life that you want, that's in alignment, that's full of freedom, head to ashawilkerson.com/coaching and book a coaching in theory call. All right.
I hope that this episode benefited you. I hope it was easy to follow. And I cannot wait to talk to you again next week.
Asha Wilkerson (19:15.556)
So as I let you go, I want you to remember that it's because I've healed that I've been able to repair old relationships and start new ones from
a different perspective. It's because I've healed that I've been able to leave expectations behind that no longer serve me. And it's because I've healed that I'm currently living my dream life out loud with no regrets.