Ep 52: When "Tough Times Don't Last" Isn't Enough
A few weeks ago, I came across a post on Threads that stopped me in my tracks.
A woman wrote, "Somewhere deep within it hurts. Really wish I could get the words out, but it's so heavy to pen down."
What struck me wasn't just what she said. It was who she appeared to be from the outside: successful, accomplished, building a business, encouraging others. And yet beneath all of that, something felt heavy.
It reminded me how many of us are walking around carrying emotions we don't know what to do with.
In this episode, I'm sharing a practical framework for navigating those moments when life feels overwhelming. Not with platitudes or toxic positivity, but with real steps you can take when you're in the trenches.
We'll explore why feeling deeply doesn't mean you're broken, how to identify what your body and nervous system need, and how to use your emotions as information instead of getting lost in the stories they create.
If you've ever felt stuck, heavy, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move through difficult emotions, this conversation is for you.
Chapters
(00:00) - Navigating Vulnerability on Social Media
(02:52) - Understanding and Normalizing Emotions
(05:45) - Identifying Needs and Seeking Support
(09:00) - Decoding Emotions: Information vs. Story
(12:02) - Practical Steps for Emotional Awareness
(14:55) - Bridging Knowledge and Practice in Emotional Health
Takeaways
✨ You are not broken because you feel deeply.
Heavy emotions are not a sign that something is wrong with you. They are part of being human and provide valuable information about what is happening beneath the surface.
✨ Before you move on, ask yourself what you need.
Instead of rushing to "fix" the feeling, pause and identify what would help you feel supported. Sometimes it's a hug, a conversation, rest, movement, nature, or simply being witnessed.
✨ Co-regulation is not a weakness.
Humans are relational beings. Reaching out for support, connection, or comfort is often exactly what your nervous system needs to return to safety.
✨ Emotions carry information.
Once your nervous system has settled, get curious. Ask yourself what the sensation in your body is trying to communicate rather than immediately reacting to it.
✨ Separate the emotion from the story.
The emotion is the raw experience in your body. The story is the meaning your mind creates around it. Learning the difference can help you respond more intentionally.
✨ You can't always control what you feel, but you can choose how you respond.
When you understand what an emotion is trying to tell you, you gain the power to decide what happens next.
Connect with me on Threads: @AshaWilkersonEsq
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Asha (00:00.814)
Hey y'all, welcome back. I want to share something that I experienced a couple weeks ago now on Threads. I like hanging out on Threads much more than I like hanging out on Instagram. And I most of the time just kind of lurk and read people's posts, but every once in while I'll respond and I'm just starting to share out in my own content over there. But I saw something that really caught my attention.
Now people post a lot of things on there. Oftentimes it's kind of clickbaity or intended to spark a debate or result or engagement, essentially. But this thing really stuck with me. So this person said, somewhere deep within it hurts. Really wish I could get the words out, but it's so heavy to pen down. Guess some days are teary days. Please tell me something positive. Anything.
And I was really struck by this comment because of course it's heavy and made me wonder if this person was okay, if she was just in a moment of not feeling good, or if there was something more in acute happening that she might need some intervention for. And I decided to look at this person's profile, and it is a high achieving black woman, at least from the outside. That's what it looks like.
It looks like she's a founder of a new business. She's using Threads to get clients. And it looked like this post was an outlier from her typical content. Typically, she's encouraging people, making connections. I think she might be a business coach, but she's in that realm of entrepreneurship and creating her whole creating but she's in that realm of entrepreneurship and creating her own income.
And it really just struck me because I was trying to figure out was this related to a past post, had she lost somebody, or what was going on. And I couldn't find any more context around the post. And again, I don't think it was actually meant to be click clickbaity. I think it was a moment of being vulnerable enough to share what was going on. And it just reminded me of why I do the work that I do and why I share what I share. Because on the outside, we can very much look like we have it all.
Asha (02:24.952)
Like we have it all together, but that something is missing that people cannot see. There are people who will tell you, you have it all. What do you have to complain about? All your bills are paid. You go on vacation. You have a cute little baby. You've got a husband. You've got a spouse. You've got this. You've got that, right? And all of those things can be true. And yet, on the inside, something can still feel like it is off.
And I started to look at the comments because I wasn't sure if I was gonna respond. I didn't know if I would be helpful and well actually I knew I could be helpful, but I didn't know if there would be so many comments already that mine would j just get lost. But I decided to look and what I noticed was that people were saying, Whatever it is, God is working it out for you. Someone else said, There's so much beauty in the world, focus on that. Someone else said you don't have to find the right words.
For it, just know that this feeling won't stay exactly like this forever. You'll be fine, I promise. Someone else said, You will be smiling very soon. God will shower you with abundant blessings more than your imagination. Someone else said, This too shall pass, my dear. And as I was reading those, I just felt like all of them were placating, but not actually helpful. You know those moments where you're really in the trenches, where you really need some support, where you really want some help, but
all people know how to say are the platitudes, the things that are nice to hear, but that don't really actually mean anything. We've all said them when someone has lost a loved one or maybe you've lost a job and or you've broken up with the spouse or, you know, something happens and people go, It's okay, keep your head up and it feels like I know you mean well, but what the hell am I supposed to do right now? How do I
Survive this feeling right now? Well, I wanted to actually give her some steps and I wanted to share them with you because I think that they are useful. So this is my response. First, I want to normalize this. You're not broken or defective, you're human. If you were treating yourself like a child, what would you need right now? A hug, someone to listen to, to be witnessed? Let that happen.
Asha (04:46.722)
Then be curious. The emotion is information. So what is it trying to tell you? Not the story that your feelings create, but what are your body and your emotional fields saying to you, sending you a big hug? Now, number one, when you are feeling heavy emotions, or when you are in the trenches, when you are sad, when you are emotional, that is not a sign that you are broken. And I think our society makes us feel like
Big emotions, strong emotions, quote unquote "negative emotions" mean that we're broken. But we are humans who are created with an energetic field and energy or our emotions are energy. And so when we have emotions, that is 100% a part of being human. I'm gonna talk to you in a second about what the difference is between emotion and feeling, but I just want to normalize.
That you, if you are feeling heavy things, if you are feeling a lot, please do not worry, please do not think that it is out of the range of normal. You are human. You are supposed to feel your emotions give you information. So you're not defective. It would be ridiculous to think that we're only supposed to feel happiness or joy or anger when someone steps on our toe physically or metaphorically. That's just
Ridiculous. We have a whole spectrum, a whole range that we have access to. But here's the thing like all of these other posts before, these comments before that were meant to be helpful or meant to be soothing, they don't really tell you what to do when you feel the emotion. So the second step after recognizing that you are normal for feeling is to ask yourself what it is that you need. Identify
the emotion as best as you can. And we all have varying degrees of language for being able to identify what it is that we're experiencing. And then ask yourself what you need. And it can be really, really helpful to think of yourself as a child going back to your inner child, or even if looking at your inner child just feels like it's too much or too weird or too woo or too esoteric.
Asha (07:09.752)
Just think of yourself, like if you were to look at yourself like a parent and to look down on yourself, what is it that you need right now? Sometimes it's as simple as I just need someone to hug me right now, or I need to eat some ice cream, or I need to yell into my pillow, or I need to call a friend and vent, or I need to go for a run, or I need to go walk in nature, or anything else that feels good.
But stop and ask yourself what is it that your body is craving from you right now, or that your emotional body needs to be soothed right now. You have to soothe yourself, you have to recognize yourself, you have to tend to the emotion before you can move on from it. So you gotta do that little piece, and our world doesn't actually
Ask us to stop and identify very often, we always rush to moving on. Whatever it is, whatever you identify, allow yourself to go and seek that comfort and seek that support. And then once your nervous system has calmed down, actually let me say this: when you are identifying what it is that you need right now, and if it involves another person, that is an act of co-regulation.
Sometimes you just need a hug so your heart rate can come back down. Sometimes you need physical touch to know that you're not alone. Sometimes you need to go sit on somebody else's couch just to be next to another person. We are often taught that we are supposed to deal with our emotions by ourselves in a vacuum. But we're humans, we're relational people, and so it's 100% okay to reach out and ask for the support that you need. Then once you're
nervous system has come back down and you're no longer in that heightened state. It no longer feels like a crisis. It no longer feels like the world is dropping out from beneath you, then you can be curious and ask what information this emotion has for you. This sensation that you feel in your body, the heartbeat in your chest, the pain in your head, the discomfort in your back, whatever it is, whatever that
Asha (09:31.508)
energetic feeling is and not feeling as in
Me erase that. Whatever that information is, whatever that butterfly in your stomach feeling is, whatever that tightening of your chest experience is, whatever that muscle ache in your back is trying to tell you, ask it for the information. Sometimes the quickening of the heart tells us that we're nervous, that something feels unsafe. Sometimes the muscle tightness tells us.
That we're not feeling supported in the way that we need to be. Whatever it is for you, it'll be unique to you. It won't be what I say, but get curious about it. Your body speaks to you loudly when you've been missing the subtle messages. And this is where the change happens, this is where the growth happens. You are now responsible for what you do with this information. You cannot control the emotions that you feel.
But you can choose how you want to respond to them. And once you understand what the information is that you are being given, now you can decide what you want to do with it. Okay, my heart is beating really fast when I think about going on stage to give this talk. What do I need now? It's telling me that I'm nervous. If I dig a little bit deeper, it makes me.
think or fear being rejected by a community of people. When I dig a little bit deeper, that rejection feels unsafe because I'll be on the outside. And if I'm on the outside, who will my friends be? Who will I? How will I earn money? And what will happen to my life? It could go that deep and it could go quickly. Or the butterflies in my stomach is telling me that I don't actually want to go on a date with this person. I don't actually like them.
Asha (11:34.445)
And even though the butterflies we're told are supposed to make us feel like it's exciting, I think this actually means discomfort. I think this actually means that I'm not at rest. I'm not at peace. And I don't want to experience these butterflies anymore. So I'm gonna listen to the butterflies and I'm gonna decide to cancel the gate the date or to do something that feels more safe to me. You get to decide. You get to decide what you're going to do with the information. Now here's the thing.
Here's the difference between the information that your emotions give you and the story we create with the feelings. Okay? I can have butterflies in my stomach, just as an example. I can have butterflies in my stomach when I meet somebody new that tell me I'm uncomfortable. What the feelings or the story that I create around those emotions can say, I'm just not ready for dating.
Or I'm afraid of all men, or I'm not cut out for this, and I'm never gonna find my partner. None of those things happen have to none of those things have to be true. Those are the stories that I'm making up about the emotion that I'm feeling, or the emotion that I'm experiencing. And so we have to be careful with the feelings to make sure that we are interpreting the emotion accurately.
Now, oftentimes we use feelings and emotions interchangeably, and I'll do another podcast episode to really break down the difference between emotions and feelings. There's also a difference in the neuroscience behind it. But what's most important for you to understand is that when you are experiencing an emotion, that is like the raw, pure form, the visceral reaction, the body-based reaction that you have. Ask yourself what the information is without.
making up the story, gaslighting yourself or telling yourself that you're being ridiculous. You're probably not. And even if you are being ridiculous, it's probably because you're not actually meeting the need that your body, your emotional body, your physical body, your mental body actually needs you to meet. So this is what you do when you are in a heightened emotional state, when you are in a place where you feel like it is heavy.
Asha (13:58.553)
Where you feel like you can't move forward, where you feel like you're stuck, maybe you're depressed, you're sad, you're frustrated, you're angry. I want you to normalize that you are a healthy adult, a healthy person who's capable of feeling all the emotions, and that's how you're designed. You're not broken and you're not defective, you're just human, just like the rest of us. And then.
You ask yourself what it is that you need right now, and allow yourself to seek that co-regulation or that comfort. And then when your body has calmed down, when your nervous system has gotten to a place where it is safe enough for you to be curious, where you can actually ask yourself the question. Ask yourself what information this emotion is bringing to me. What have I been missing, maybe? What's the message?
And then make a decision about how you want to move forward based on the information that your emotion has given you. Okay, that's what I have for you today. I really hope that this is helpful. In the comments, let me know what questions you have. And if you'd like to know more about this, I am I love this stuff. I love talking about emotions and the body.
And feelings and what to do, because I have found in my life having studied psychology a little bit in undergrad, not as a degree, but taking some psychology classes and just being one who's gone down the rabbit hole of self help, obviously, since I'm in this healing profession, I've found that there's a lot of advice that's not really helpful or useful. People use terms like co-regulation, like I use, or they use.
nervous system or I don't know, other stuff like or they use phrases that really feel like they're bypassing, like it's gonna be all right. The sun rises every morning. Hey you woke up today, it's a good day, and it doesn't actually tell you how to feel better or how to redress what's happening in the moment. And because of that, sometimes it feels like we just don't get it. And if I don't get it, then maybe I'm the one who's lost. Right? But that's
Asha (16:19.97)
That's not it. We're all just learning new skills. And based on my own research and practice between the energetic learnings that I've done and the studying I did under a psychologist who was a neuroscientist, I've learned about the way that our body interacts with our energy field, with our emotions, with our feelings, and I've kind of put it together in a way that seems easier.
To understand, easy to follow, and I just want to make it easy and accessible to you because we all deserve to feel supported and we deserve to learn how to develop the skills that are gonna help us along the way. So that is my sharing for this week. Please let me know how it resonated with you. I'd love to hear from you in the comments. And if you would like to connect, let's actually connect on Threads. I've been saying
Instagram because that was my typical go-to, but I don't really give a damn about Instagram to be honest, but I'm on there. But if you'd like to chat with me, please come on over to Threads. It's the same as my IG handle, which is @ashawilkersonesq. And I look forward to talking to you soon. Ciao ciao.